


And Down We Fall

by shotgun



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Incest, M/M, Multi, Other, Weecest, Weechesters, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-09
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2017-11-24 06:09:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 22
Words: 25,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/631297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shotgun/pseuds/shotgun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is basically just a big fic written in a way that can make some ships appear canon. It starts off with Weecest. Wincest is the big one in the beginning and there will eventually be Destiel and Wincestiel. There will definitely be other ships, but I don't want to tag them all yet because I'm not sure what I'm planning quite yet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dean rolled over so that his back was to Sam. He was restless and wide awake. Their dad was asleep in the bed next to them and Sam was out on the bed they were sharing. He felt a tiny bounce of the bed and knew that it was his little brother twitching because of another nightmare.

He rolled back over, a hand stroking down his brother's arm and he calmed down for minute. Dean pulled his hand back slowly and Sam trembled, a whine escaping his lips and he clung tightly to the sheets over his body.

Sighing, Dean pulled the younger Winchester into his arms and ran a hand down his back, smoothing out the wrinkles in his shirt. Sam's arms wrapped quickly around his brother and he clung to him, whimpering softly.

"Hey…Sam." Dean whispered against the top of Sam's head. "It's okay. S'okay, Sammy. It's just a dream."'

Sam whimpered again, but the tension slowly slid from his body and he relaxed, still holding onto his brother. "Dean…?" He whispered in a sleepy voice.

"Yeah, Sammy. I got you."

"You…You and Dad went on a hunting trip. An-and Dad came back. But you weren't with him." His grip on Dean tightened again.

"Just a bad dream, Sammy. It was just a bad dream. I'm right here. I got you. Not going anywhere." He kissed the top of Sam's head, feeling his little brother shake with silent sobs. "It's okay, Sammy."

"Don't leave me, Dean. It could happen. Please don't leave me…" Sam's grip on Dean was almost painful now, as if he was worried Dean would get up and walk out, going to get himself killed right now.

"Hey, hey, hey. I'm not going anywhere. Promise."

Sam nodded against Dean's chest and, with his older brother stroking his back slowly, he fell back asleep. Dean laid there for hours, Sam in his arms, hating his life. He hated the nightmares that it caused his little brother, he hated going on hunting trips while Sam stayed behind and most of all, he hated knowing that what he'd said to him, that he wouldn't leave him, was a promise that he wasn't in control of.

Dean rubbed his eyes, rolling over. He was in bed by himself now, Sam had probably woken up hours ago. When he sat up, John was sitting in front of his laptop, deeply engrossed in whatever he was reading, and Sam was sitting on the other bed, leaning against the headboard. His arms were crossed and he had his bitch face on. Dean sighed, knowing that this wasn't going to be a good morning.

"Mornin'…" He croaked out, in a tired voice.

Sam looked over at him, or glared is more like it; but before Dean could complain, asking what the hell he did, John turned away from the computer and started talking.

"Morning, Dean. Looks like there's a case in Nevada."

He turned his attention to his dad, still unsure why his brother was pissed at him. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, and I'm gonna need some back up."

Oh…Well shit. That wasn't really Dean's fault, was it? So why was he the one getting the death glares?

"I'm gonna go get some breakfast and some cash for Sam," John said, standing up and grabbing his keys off the table. "Shower and get packed up while I'm gone. I'll be back in about an hour."

"Yes sir." Dean nodded, tossing the blanket off of him and standing up.

As his dad walked out, Dean moved to the bathroom, closing the door behind. Mid-piss, there was a loud thump on the bathroom door. He glanced back, brow arched and finished up as quickly as he could.

"Sam, what the hell are you doing?" He opened the door to find one of his own boots on the floor just outside of the bathroom and his brother was walking around, throwing clothes in a suitcase.

"Packing for you." Sam snapped, "If you're gonna leave I'd rather it be sooner than later. Then I don't have to sit around with you all day."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Thanks for the help."

He closed the bathroom door again, turning the shower on and climbing in. Half way through washing his hair, he heard another loud thump on the bathroom door. "Damn it, Sam!" He rinsed his body, shut the water off and gave himself a quick dry before wrapping a towel around his waist.

Opening the door, he was prepared to yell at Sam to stop fucking throwing shoes, but was taken aback when he saw clothes on the floor. His eyes travelled until he saw his brother, at the foot of their bed, knees drawn to his chest and body shaking with sobs.

Dean could've swore he felt his heart breaking in his chest as he walked across the room and sank to his knees next to Sam. Arms quickly wrapped around Dean, tears soaking his chest as his little brother cried into his against him.

"Sammy…" Dean ran his fingers through Sam's hair, his free arm wrapped around his back. "What's this all about?"

"You promised…" His body shook with another sob, and he clung tightly to Dean.

"Sammy, I don't have a choice…" Dean frowned, unhappy with this turn of events mere hours after his brother's nightmare.

"You won't come back. Dean, you're not gonna come back…"

"Hey, hey. Don't say that," He pulled Sam so he was practically in Dean's lap. "I'll come back, Sammy. I always come back."

Sam shook his head against Dean's chest. "You can't promise that…"

He sighed into Sam's hair, knowing it was true. And what was he supposed to say? Nothing he said would make it better, so he just rocked his little brother in his arms, petting his head and shushing him. It wasn't until he seemed all cried out that Dean spoke.

"Okay, Sammy," He said, pushing him back gently. "I'm gonna need your help."

Sam furrowed his brow and tilted his head to the side questioningly.

"Call Dad. Ask where he is. Tell him that after he left I took a shower and started packing, then ran to the bathroom and I've been in there throwing up since."

Sam raised a brow, still confused.

"We're gonna convince him that he should leave me behind."

A smile spread across Sam's face and he stood up, walking over to the nightstand and picking up Dean's phone. The older Winchester moved to sit on the edge of the bed, watching Sam as he dialed a number and put the phone to his ear. Dean pulled a shirt and boxers on while his brother talked into the phone.

"Hey Dad…No, it's Sam…Where are you? …Because Dean's sick…Yeah, after you left he took a shower and then was packing when he started throwing up…No, he made it to the bathroom…He's still in there…Yeah, okay…Alright…I'll see you in a few minutes…Bye, Dad."

Sam hung up and looked at Dean expectantly. "He's about ten minutes out."

"Okay. I'm gonna go try n' make myself throw up. But I need you to slap me first."

"What? Why?" Sam furrowed his brow, looking at his brother as if concerned that he might actually be sick and have a fever.

"I need my face to be red, so I look sick." He explained, hurriedly. "So slap me or try to make me blush."

Sam raised a hand and gave Dean's right cheek a hard smack. It immediately started turning pink and Sam smiled proudly.

"Ouch," Dean laughed, "At least you're good at that, 'cause you couldn't make me blush if you tried."

Sam rolled his eyes and smacked Dean's other cheek. "Don't have time for that now, but I'll test your theory later."

Dean's brows shot up. "I don't blush, little brother."

"Whatever. Go puke."

Shaking his head, Dean got up and laughed, walking to the bathroom. "Wish me good luck." He crossed his fingers on one hand, pretending to gag with his index finger on the other. When Sam rolled his eyes again, he grinned and shut the door.

Sam slowly started putting Dean's clothes back, not sure what to do while he waited or if this would even work. When all the clothes were folded neatly, he sat on the edge of the bed, but immediately jumped back up as the door opened and his dad stepped in.

"Still in the bathroom?" John asked, placing 3 coffees and a box of donuts on the table.

Sam nodded and John walked over to lean against the door frame, knocking softly. The answer that came was a cough, followed by gagging and what even Sam believed to be Dean throwing up. There was a groan and the toilet flushed. They heard the sink turn on and assumed Dean was rinsing his mouth. A moment later he stumbled out, looking absolutely miserable. His hair was a mess, his cheeks were flushed. He looked at his dad, frowning and shrugging and fell onto the bed, crawling up to the top and pulling the covers over him.

John looked him over and sighed. "I'll call Bobby. See if he can't go with me."

Dean just nodded sadly. "Sorry, Dad…"

He waved a hand dismissively and fished his phone out of his pocket, walking out the door. As soon as it was shut behind him, Sam crawled up on the bed next to Dean and curled up to his back.

"Thank you, Dean…" He whispered.

"Don't mention it, Sammy. S'my job to take care of you, right?" He smiled over his shoulder, "Now pretend you're checking my temperature or something. Dad could come back in anytime now."

Sure enough, just as Sam stood on Dean's side of the bed and placed a hand to his forehead, John walked back in.

"Hey, kid. I'm gonna head over to Bobby's. If you, try to eat something. I can go by a store and get you some medicine before going to see Bobby."

"Don't worry about it, Dad," Sam told him, "I'll go down to the store."

"Good boy, Sam. Take care of your brother. If you need more money, Dean's got his card. Here's some cash," He handed Sam a wad of cash, "I'll call in a couple days and let you guys know how it's going."

He rustled Sam's hair, patted Dean's shoulder and walked out the door, grabbing one of the coffees on the way out. They waited about ten minutes, sitting there in silence, just in case, and then Dean shot up, grinning.

"So…Donuts?"


	2. Chapter 2

"You read too much, Nerd."

Sam looked up from his book to his brother, who was on the other bed, stretched out and staring over at Sam. He looked bored. That was rarely a good sign. It meant that he would be bugging his little brother.

"No I don't. You just don't read enough," Sam countered.

"I read plenty." Dean arched a brow, giving Sam a very serious look. "Come on. I'm sick. Take care of me."

Sam rolled his eyes. "You're not sick."

"Fine. But you begged me to stay. So shouldn't you at least do something with me?"

Closing his book, Sam sat up, legs crossed. He looked at his brother expectantly.

"Well, what do you wanna do?"

"I dunno. Let's find a movie to watch."

Dean started flipping through the channels, but couldn't find anything remotely appealing to either of them. He groaned falling back on the bed.

"We could go get something."

"Let's go then," Dean said, getting up and pulling his boots on.

He grabbed the keys to his Impala and Sam quickly pulled his sneakers on, grinning ear to ear.

____

"No, Dean!" Sam whined, "Come on, you know I don't like clowns!"

"Oh, lighten up. You can pick a movie too, and you can sit with me while we watch this one. I'll hold you if I have to."

Sam flushed and walked away without saying anything, determined to find a funny movie to ease his mood after the horror. Dean followed after him, a smug grin on his face.

"Want some candy and popcor-" He cut off when he saw the movie Sam was holding. "Oh, come on, Sammy! That's a chick flick!"

"Yeah, and you picked a IT," Sam countered, "We're even. Yeah, I want some candy and popcorn."

Dean grumbled, but otherwise made no effort to argue as they walked up to the counter, picking up a few boxes of candy and a couple bags of popcorn. Sam looked around at the posters while his brother paid.

"One day I'll teach you what a real movie is," Dean said, handing the bag with the movies and snacks to his brother.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah…" Sam mumbled and opened his door, climbing in the Impala.

Dean got in the driver's side and put his keys in the ignition.

"Bitch."

"Jerk."

___

"Dean, can we get pizza?" Sam asked, crawling onto Dean's bed next to him.

"You're putting off the movie, Sammy." Dean cocked a brow and stretched his arms, indicating that Sam could come cuddle with him like he clearly wanted to.

"M'not…" Sam grumbled, moving to up next to his brother.

Wrapping an arm around Sam's shoulder, Dean pulled him in closer. Sam rested his head against Dean's chest. "M'just sayin' that we need to eat. More than candy and popcorn."

"Fine," Dean said, with a dramatic sigh. "What kind do you want? We'll get two."

"Vegetarian."

"Are you frikking kidding me?"

"Dean."

"Fine. God, you're such a girl." Pulling his phone out of his pocket, Dean let go of his little brother. "You're gonna have to move, Sammy."

Sam moved so that he was sitting cross legged in the middle of the bed while Dean walked over to the table, picked up a flyer that had been left on their door a few days prior, and dialed a number. He ordered a vegetarian and meat lovers pizza, gave the name and number on his stolen credit card and hung up.

"Should be here in about half an hour," He said, joining Sam on the bed again.

Sam nodded silently, looking down at his lap and toying with a string from his shirt. "Hey, Dean?"

Dean looked up, startled by the small voice. "Yeah, Sammy?" He cocked a brow, eyeing his brother who still hadn't looked up.

"It scares me, you know?" Sam said casually.

"What does?" There were a million things for Sam to be afraid of, so it was a valid question.

Sam swallowed, looking briefly up at Dean and back down again. "When you go on a hunting trip with Dad. I'm always scared you won't come back."

Dean leaned over, placing a hand under Sam's chin and lifting it up. "Sammy, I'll always come back. I don't care what happens. I will always come back for you, okay?"

Shaking his head, Sam looked at his brother with sad eyes. "You can't promise that…"

Dean pulled Sam close, gathering him up in his arms. "You know what my main job is?"

Long limbs wrapping around Dean, Sam sighed. "What?"

"To take care of you," Dean whispered, "And how can I do that if I'm gone, huh?"

Sam shook, clinging to Dean.

"I can't. Which means I won't leave you. I need to be here to watch out for my pain in the ass little brother."

"Not a pain in the ass…" Sam grumbled.

Dean ran a hand down Sam's back. "Sure you are, little brother."

Sam whined, but still clung to Dean.

"Always gonna here for you, okay?"

Sam squirmed as Dean squeezed his sides, tickling him.

"Okay?" Dean repeated and pinned his brother under him, hands moving to his back where he knew Sam was especially ticklish.

Sam bucked up and pushed Dean, but he just grabbed his wrists in one hand, holding them over his head. "Dean! Stop it!"

"Say okay." His free hand moved inside Sam's shirt to tickle him better.

"O…k-k-kay!"

Dean cocked a brow. "Huh? Didn't catch that."

"Okay, okay, okay!" Sam squirmed freeing his hands and catching Dean's. "You'll always be here. Okay."

"Damn right," Dean muttered, suddenly very aware of the fact that he was straddling his brother and their faces were inches from each other.

Sam swallowed hard, eyes flicking to Dean's lips and back up again. Dean knew he should move, knew he should get off of his brother right then, pretend that didn't see Sam's eyes move, that he hadn't done the same thing. He had been ignoring his attraction to Sam for a year by this point. So there was no way he could justify leaning forward further until he could feel his little brother's breath on his lips, until Sam could surely feel his heart pounding in his chest; but he did it anyway, watching Sam's eyes fall closed. He was just about to close the final distance when there was knock on the door, causing him to jump off the bed.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean looked out the window suspiciously and relaxed a bit.

"Pizza," he muttered as if he'd forgotten they'd ordered it.

"Oh. Yeah. Right. Of course."

He tried to ignore how disappointed Sam sounded (it was probably his imagination anyway) and opened the door. The pizza girl was cute and he tried to focus on that.

"Hi, Tori," he said with his usual charming grin as he read the girl's name tag. "How's a pretty lady like yourself doin' tonight?"

"Fine, thank you." She spoke in a monotone voice, clearly not interested. Which really didn't help Dean at all, since he wasn't really interested in her either. He wanted to take the pizzas, set them down on the table and go kiss his brother until neither of them could breath. God, how wrong was that?

"What ya got goin' on after work?" He asked, leaning against the door frame.

"Probably going home and hanging out with my girlfriend."

Oh...Damn it. Dean groaned internally.

"And your little brother looks like he could use some attention. So why don't you take these pizzas and I'll get out of here so you can give it to him?"

Dean swallowed hard and nodded. Damn it. He really didn't want to be alone with Sam because he really wanted to go give him some attention. Too much attention. He signed his receipt, giving Tori a reasonable tip.

"Have a good night," he muttered and took the pizzas, closing the door. He set them on the table and tried to avoid looking at Sam while he searched around for the paper plates they kept. He was slow about pulling two out and putting a couple pieces on each.

When he turned around and finally looked at his brother, Dean was startled by how hard he was glaring at him. Slowly walking across the room, Dean set Sam's plate down in front of him and sat cautiously on the edge of the bed.

"Did I do something to piss you off?" He asked innocently, brow arched.

"Yeah. You did," Sam muttered and Dean swallowed.

"Care to enlighten me?"

"This night is supposed to be about us. And you just tried to ditch me for a girl."

"Oh, come on, Sammy," Dean said, looking at him pleadingly. "I was just flirting."

"Yeah...You're always flirting."

"Never bugged you before," Dean muttered, trying to ignore the reason it might be bugging him this time. Because damn it, his brother was not jealous and they definitely hadn't been about to kiss. Nope. Definitely not.

"Actually it's always bothered me," Sam snapped.

Dean chewed on the inside of his lip, brow furrowed before asking a potentially dangerous question. "Why?"

"It doesn't even matter. Let's just watch the movie." Glaring at his plate Sam picked up a piece of pizza and took a bite.

"Sammy," Dean said, voice softening. "It does matter."

When the younger Winchester looked up with pain in his eyes Dean wanted to smack himself. He was supposed to protect Sam, keep the pain away. He wasn't supposed to be the one to cause it, god damn it.

"I just want my time with you to be about us. Not some girl. You already spend most of your free time with girls...Can't you just forget about them when you're with me?"

Dean sighed. He wanted to tell Sam that the only reason he did this was to remind himself that he couldn't have his brother. He'd make plans with girls while he was with Sam to take his mind off of him only to think about him later when he was making out with them or fucking them in the back of the Impala.

"I'm sorry, Sammy," he finally said.

"Yeah, whatever," Sam muttered.

"Stop it," Dean said, grabbing Sam's chin and forcing him to make eye contact. "I'm sorry. You're right. I'll stop."

Sam's eyes focused on Dean's like he wasn't sure he believed him and that broke Dean's heart.

"C'mon. Let's eat and watch the movie. I'll hold you when we're done eating. Make you feel better about the clowns, okay?"

"I don't need you to hold me, Dean. I'm not a little kid."

"Yeah yeah. Whatever," Dean said, trying not to feel hurt. It was true. Sam was 15 and Dean was 19. But somehow that hardly ever stopped any cuddling from happening.

He put the movie in and started playing it. He wasn't paying attention, mind too occupied with thoughts of Sam as they ate in silence. He wanted to smack himself for hurting his little brother. He hated that Sam didn't seem to believe him when he said he'd stop. It was like he'd failed him. Dean was supposed to be the one Sam could always count on and trust no matter what and the thought that-

"Dean?" A small voice said, startling him from his thoughts.

Dean shook his head and looked over at Sam who's eyes were wide as he glanced back and forth between his older brother and the TV. It was pretty damn adorable and Dean just held his arms out to his little brother.

"Come here, Sammy," he murmured and Sam scooted across the bed, curling up in Dean's arms.

The older Winchester sighed and rested his chin against Sam's head. He tried to pay attention. He really did. But it just felt so good, so right to be holding Sam in his arms and it made it difficult, especially when the younger Winchester wrapped his arms around Dean's waist and drew himself in closer.

At a particularly 'scary' part, Sam jumped and turned to bury his face in Dean's chest, holding him tightly. Dean pet his head whispering, "Shhh, Sammy. It's okay," and closed his eyes, kissing the top of his brother's head.

After a little while Sam started to slowly relax, but refused to look back toward the TV and jumped every time there was a scream or startling noise. Dean considered turning the movie off, but then Sam would move away sooner and he felt bad, but wanted to take advantage of having him in his arms for as long as he could.

Eventually Sam's breath started to even out and Dean looked down only to realize that his brother had fallen asleep. He smiled softly and kissed the top of his head. He carefully shifted so that he was laying down and when Sam clung tightly to him, Dean smiled a bit wider. "S'okay, Sammy," he murmured, keeping his arms around his brother as he closed his eyes. Within a few minutes Dean drifted off, Sam's head rested against his chest.


	4. Chapter 4

Dean woke up to hot little puffs of air against his neck, an erection pressed to his hip. Fuck. 

“Sammy?” he whispered. 

“Mmh, Dean,” came a half moaned reply. Double fuck. 

He tilted his head just to double check, and sure enough, Sam was still sleeping. He closed his eyes, and tried to ignore it, tried to go back to sleep, but then it got worse. Sam started rocking against his hip, moaning quietly in his sleep. 

No no no no no. Dean could not deal with that. That was not going to help the whole leave-your-little-brother-alone situation at all. He quickly disentangled himself from his brother who whined in protest and tried to grab Dean causing him to groan quietly. He made his way to the bathroom, closing the door behind him and leaning against it. That was when he noticed his own hard on. 

“Fuck,” he breathed, reaching down to palm himself through his jeans. That quiet moan of his name replayed in his head and he groaned. He unbuttoned his pants and pushed them down just enough to pull his cock out, stroking himself slowly. 

He tried hard not to think of anything, but he could still feel Sam pressed against him, those hot puffs of breaths on his neck, those hands trying to pull him back into bed. He could still hear his little brother moaning his name. And he could just imagine it louder, his name falling from Sam’s lips over and over, him screaming it as he came.   
Before he knew it he was rocking into his hand, images of his brother writhing under him, begging for more, flashing through his mind. and then he was spilling over his fist, biting his lip to hold back a moan of Sam’s name that was threatening to fall from his lips. 

“Fuck,” he repeated, body shaking as he started to come down from his orgasm. 

He pushed his clothes off and climbed into the shower, pushing all thoughts of his brother far away. 

Once Dean was all cleaned up he headed back into the main room, where his brother was still sleeping, and got dressed before writing Sam a quick note: Going to get breakfast Back in 20. Don’t answer the door for anyone. -Dean 10:30 

___

Dean was on his way out of the store when he literally ran into a cute brunette, causing her to drop a bag. 

“Shit, I’m sorry!” he apologized subtly checking her out as he grabbed picked her bag up.

“No, it’s okay,” she said sweetly, her own eyes raking over him. 

“Let me make it up to you,” he offered with a charming grin. “Say with dinner tonight?” 

___

When Dean got back to the motel fifteen minutes later Sam was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at the door and looking tense. He visibly relaxed when Dean walked through. 

“You said twenty minutes,” he mumbled. “That was thirty-five...” 

“Gee. Thanks, Dad.” Dean rolled his eyes and put a few bags on the table. “Cereal, lunch stuff, and TV dinners. You can have what you want tonight. I’ve got a date.” 

Sam huffed in annoyance. “Great. I get to spend the night alone and the Impala’s gonna smell bad tomorrow.” 

“Yeah. Well I could be with Dad right now. So suck it up. I’m staying here with you so I might as well get something out of it.” 

Sam looked like he’d been slapped and Dean immediately regretted his words. 

“Well sorry I’m such a burden!” 

“Sammy that’s not what I-” 

“Forget it, Dean.” 

___

Sam didn’t speak more than five words to Dean for the rest of the day no matter how much his brother tried. He almost called Marie to cancel their date, but after that morning he needed it. So at seven he headed out, telling Sam the same thing Dad always told him. “Keep the door locked. Don’t answer for anymore. Shoot first. Ask questions later.” 

“‘Kay...”

Dean sighed. “See ya later, Sammy,” he mumbled, and closed the door behind himself. 

___ 

Two hours and a few shots of whiskey later found Dean falling into the back of the Impala, Marie on top of him. Within five minutes she was bouncing up and down on his cock moaning loudly. Dean was buzzed, but she was completely drunk and didn’t notice that he groaned Sammy as he came. 

___

 

Dean dropped Marie off with the promise that he’d call. He probably wouldn’t. He took a few more shots in the motel parking lot listened to Led Zeppelin for awhile. When he finally stumbled in he was drunk and Sam was already in bed. He locked the door, kicked off his boots, dropped his jacket, and completely bypassed his bed, climbing into Sam’s. He wrapped his arms around his brother pulling him close. 

“Dean?” Sam asked sleepily. 

“So sorry, Sammy,” Dean slurred. “Not a burden. Just stressed. M’happy to be here with you. Didn’t even like her. I’ll get some spray stuff. Don’t want the Impala to smell. Sorry I fucked her. I love, Sammy.” 

“You’re drunk,” Sam sighed. 

“Sammy!” 

“Okay, okay. I forgive you.” 

“/Sammy/. I love you.” 

“I love you too, Dean.” 

Dean made a pleased noise, and kissed Sam’s forehead, pulling him closer. Within two minutes he was passed out.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Sorry for the long wait. I'm really bad at updated. I'm one of those people who you really just shouldn't read it until it's done. I'll do my best to update more frequently! Honest. This one's pretty cutesy.]

The sun was shining into the room far too brightly, and Dean groaned, pulling the blanket over his head. His head that was pounding. He couldn’t remember much of the previous night after dropping...some chick off. What he did remember was climbing into bed with Sam. And now he was alone. 

“Sammy?” he called wearily, starting to bring the blankets down. 

“I’m here, Dean,” he heard a voice say from across the room. 

He pulled the blankets down the rest of the way, and looked over to see Sam sitting at the table reading a book, little nerd that he was, all absorbed like it was the best thing in the damn world. 

“Hey, Sammy,” he said softly, groaning as he tried to push himself so that he was sitting up, and causing his head to pound a little more.

“Hey,” Sam answered, not looking up from his book.

Dean sighed, and leaned back against the headboard. “So you’re talking to me now?” 

Sam flipped the page in his book. “Apparently.” 

“Think you could look at me too?” Dean asked, brow cocked. 

“Nah, you probably look like shit.” 

Dean smiled at the tone in Sam’s voice. “Shut up, bitch.” 

“First you want me to talk. Now you want me to shut up. You’re not makin’ much sense...” Sam marked his page, and closed his book, looking up. “Jerk.” 

Dean grinned widely. “We good?” 

Sam rolled his eyes. “Well I’m pretty sure you were gonna cry last night if I didn’t forgive you, so yeah. I guess so.” 

Dean huffed, and considered throwing something at Sam, but that involved moving, so he decided against it. “If you get me some pain pills, and water I’ll make it up to you, okay? We’ll go swimming, and get ice cream.” 

“No girls?” Sam asked, brow cocked. 

“No girls,” Dean promised. “Just us.” 

~  
So this was the problem with Dean’s with; Sam was really growing into his body. With a shirt on he looked pretty scrawny, but when he was just wearing swimming trunks you could see his muscles. There weren’t a lot, but they were still there. Training with Dad would do that. Then there was the way the trunks rested perfectly on his hips. Yeah, Dean would be taking another long, guilty shower later. 

Sam jumped into the pool right next to where Dean was effectively splashing water everywhere, including in his eyes. 

“Canon ball?” he said innocently when he rose up from under the water, and Dean was glaring at him. 

“You’re gonna pay for that,” Dean mock-growled, and Sam laughed, quickly trying to swim away. 

He was fast, but not fast enough, and it wasn’t more than thirty seconds before Dean was grabbing him by the leg, pulling him back. 

“De! No!” Sam whined, kicking his feet, but Dean’s hold was too tight, and moments later he was being held up over his brother’s shoulder to be thrown in the water. He gave up his fight, and splashed, going deep under water. 

Dean grinned, and looked around, wondering where Sam would pop up. He was taking too long though, and Dean was starting to get worried. He looked around, but couldn’t see him anywhere. Just as he was about to go under water something grabbed his leg, and pulled him under. It took him a few seconds to figure out what was going on, and when he came back up Sam was laughing. “You little bitch!” 

This time Sam was already a little bit away, so he had a head start, but Dean caught him soon enough, arms wrapping tightly around his waist from behind. Sam immediately started to squirm, trying to break free from Dean’s grip, and the older brother silently thanked the cold water for helping keep his boner away. 

“What’s wrong, Sammy?” 

“Lemme go, De!” The brother complained, though he was laughing. 

“Nah.,” Dean replied, and wrapped his arms more tightly around Sam. 

After a few more minutes of struggling his body relaxed, and he leaned back in Dean’s arms, head resting against his shoulder. They floated around like that for awhile, but then Sam started falling asleep. 

“Sammy,” Dean whispered in his ear. 

“Mmm...?” 

“Let’s go get some ice cream then go back to the motel, and watch your chick flick.” 

“S’not a chick flick,” Sam grumbled, opening his eyes. 

“Yeah yeah yeah, whatever. Let’s go watch your not-chick-flick.” 

~

That night Dean made dinner for them. Nothing special, just a couple big cans of Spaghettios, and Sam set up the movie. The younger Winchester seemed to be in a relatively good mood since his brother didn’t so much as flirt with a girl, let alone try to get a number, or ditch him for one. It’d been a pretty good day for both of them, and if Dean had gotten himself off thinking about how his brother looked in his trunks, and felt pressed up against him, well...nobody had to know that. 

“God, I can’t believe I’m actually watch this,” Dean groaned, handing Sam his bowl, and crawling onto the bed next to him. 

“Shut up. I watch It with you,” Sam huffed. 

“No, you slept on my chest while /I/ watch It,” Dean corrected before taking a large bite of his Spaghettios. 

“I watched part of it,” Sam mumbled before pressing play. 

Dean decided to let Sam have that one, and ate quietly, making comments on the movie now and then. When they were both done eating he went to wash the bowls, and laid down, head in his brother’s lap. Sam cocked a brow, but didn’t say anything, and it wasn’t long before he fell asleep. 

When he woke up awhile later the movie was still playing, and Sam’s fingers were trailing absently along his arm. Dean smiled to himself, and closed his eyes, drifting back off to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

“Dean, I don’t know how to kiss.”

 

The older Winchester looked up from the magazine he was flipping through. They were both sitting on their bed, Dean leaning against the headboard, Sam more toward the middle, legs crossed. “You gotta be kidding me.”

 

Sam’s brows knit together, and he glared at Dean.

 

“Okay, okay. Chill the bitch face.” Dean shook his head, and set the magazine down. “But seriously? You’ve never kissed a girl?”

 

Sam shifted uncomfortably and gave a small shrug, looking down at his lap. “I mean, yeah. Just…not with tongue, or anything, you know?”

 

Dean stretched out, leaning back against the headboard more comfortably, fingers laced together over his stomach. “It’s pretty simple, Sammy.”

 

“Can you teach me?”

 

Dean’s breath caught in his throat, bows shooting up. He fought back his immediate response of, ‘Yes! Yes, please let me’. He swallowed, and tried to look casual as he said, “Uh…Not sure what you mean. How the hell am I supposed to explain kissing…?”

 

Sam huffed, still staring at his own legs, refusing to look up at Dean. “I mean…show me, you know?”

 

His voice was so quiet that almost didn’t hear at all, but it still made his heart pound so hard he wouldn’t have been surprised if it leapt out of his chest.

 

“Look…If I do you can’t tell anyone. ‘Specially Dad.” Dean couldn’t believe he was saying this. His answer should’ve been, /No. No, Sammy. Absolutely not. Brothers don’t do that shit./

 

“I know,” Sam answered quickly, looking up with far too hopeful eyes. “I won’t tell anyone. Promise. Please, Dean?”

 

/I’m going to Hell/, he thought as he nodded. “Yeah…Yeah, okay Sammy.” 

 

The younger brother’s eyes brightened and it was so clear that he was holding back a smile that Dean knew he couldn’t regret this, not if it made Sammy so happy.

 

“Come here,” he murmured, shifting so that his legs were stretched out, and his back was straight against the headboard. Sam shifted close to Dean, and he patted his lap. “It’ll make you a little taller than me,” he excused. “Like if I was a girl.”

 

“Right. Right, yeah,” Sam mumbled, moving so he was straddling Dean. He awkwardly played with his hands,obviously unsure what to do with them.

 

Dean licked his lips nervously. “‘Kay, um…” He cleared his throat. “I’m…I’m gonna show you what to do, and then you try, alright?”

 

Sam nodded, staring at Dean with wide eyes. After clearing his throat again Dean gave a nod of his own, and slowly brought a hand up to cup his brother’s cheek. For a minute he just stared up at him, thumb brushing gently over his cheekbone. 

 

“Girls like it when you do this,” he whispered, though that really had nothing to do with why he was doing it. “Make ‘em feel all special n’ shit.” 

 

“That makes sense,” Sam breathed, staring into Dean’s eyes. After a minute the hand on his cheek slid to the back of his neck, and slowly pulled him in so that their mouths were inches apart, and they could feel each other’s breath. Dean wet his lips, and Sam’s eyes immediately flicked down to track the motion before he copied it. They were still for a few moments, just breathing the same air. Dean’s heart was racing like he’d just run a marathon, and shit, he hadn’t even done anything yet.

 

Finally he closed his eyes, and moved in the rest of the way, just barely kissing Sam, not much more than a brush of their lips. A small whimper escaped the younger brother’s throat, and Dean smirked.

 

“Makes you want it more, huh?” he whispered, lips moving against Sam’s as he spoke.

 

“Yeah,” Sam whispered back, whining at the touch of their lips. “Please, De…”

 

That was all the encouragement he needed to close the last of the distance, pressing his lips softly against Sam’s. It was amazing that his heart didn’t give out on him right then with how hard it was pounding. His brother’s lip felt perfect. They were soft, and full, and followed so easily when Dean’s moved slowly against them. His free hand grabbed one of Sam’s, bringing it to his shoulder, and apparently he caught on because then both arms were wrapping around his neck.

 

Dean’s arm slowly snaked around Sam’s waist, pulling him in closer as he nibbled lightly on his lower lip. That action caused him to gasp, and Dean took the opportunity to lick into his mouth. He had to fight back a groan at the taste of Sammy’s mouth because, wow. Inappropriate. As if tasting said mouth in the first place somehow wasn’t. Sam didn’t seem to care though because he moaned, fingers coming to tangle in Dean’s hair as he hesitantly moved his tongue back against his.

 

Dean’s hold on Sam tightened as he curled his tongue around the other’s, and Sam whimpered (again/once more), tugging lightly at his hair. Again Dean fought back a groan. Their tongues continued to move together, and where Sam started off sloppy he picked up quick. When they finally pulled back they were both short of breath, cheeks flushed slightly pink.

 

The older brother stared up, unable to think of anything other than how good he looked like that, eyes filled with awe, and desire, lips parted slightly, cheeks a little more pink than usual. For a long moment they were quiet, and then Dean whispered, “Ready to try?”

 

Sam swallowed, and Dean watched his Adam’s Apple move. “Yeah…”

 

They continued to stare at each other silently for a long moment, and Dean was cool with that. He didn’t try to push it, not pressuring Sam at all. It was completely worth it when his little brother leaned forward, and just barely brushed their lips together like Dean had done. His breath shook, fingers digging lightly into the small of Sam’s back.

 

“Does it make you want it more too?” Sam asked in a whisper, and Dean swallowed hard.

 

“Yeah…”

 

A shaky breath was let out against Dean’s lips, and his hair was tugged lightly as Sam muttered a curse. “Y-you want it too…?”

 

Dick licked his lips nervously. “Yeah…Yeah, Sammy. I want it.”

 

With that the younger brother closed the distance, pressing their lips firmly together, and god that felt so good. Even better was when his tongue flicked out to run over Dean’s bottom lip. The older boy’s lips parted, and Sam licked into his mouth.

 

This time Dean didn’t even try to fight back his groan, and it only seemed to encourage Sam, pushing him to lick further into Dean’s mouth. He pressed in closer to him until their chests were flush together, and let out a moan when Dean started to suck on his tongue.

 

It was a few minutes before they pulled back, both panting softly, and Dean’s hands ran slowly up Sam’s back.

 

“You’ll knock ‘em dead,” Dean murmured with a small smirk. “Fuckin’ over achiever.”

 

Sam flushed a little deeper. “You say that like it’s a bad thing…”

 

Dean snorted, and because he couldn’t help it with Sam in his lap like this he pressed another kiss to his lips. This one was more soft, and chaste than the others, and Sam seemed to melt into it, body relaxing, head coming to rest against Dean’s shoulder when it ended.

 

“You…you wanted that?” he murmured hesitantly against Dean’s neck, and the older brother tensed slightly, afraid to answer, so he continued. “S’okay if you did, Dean. I…/I/ did. Didn’t just…wanna learn. I…wanted to…to kiss /you/.”

 

“Serious?” Dean hated the hopeful tone in his own voice.

 

“Serious…”

 

He was quiet for a moment, lips slowly forming a smile. “Yeah…I wanted it.”

 

Sam pulled back, grinning widely at Dean. “So…you think I can kiss you more often?”

 

“Yeah…Sure, Sammy.”

 

Yep. He was definitely going to hell.


	7. Chapter 7

“Dude, unlock it,” Dean called as he knocked on the bathroom door.

 

John looked up from the computer just as Dean opened the door, and slipped into the bathroom. He glanced back, watching his dad’s attention turn back to the laptop, and closed the door behind himself.

 

“Why’d you have the door locked anyway? It’s not like we’ve never seen na-” Dean cut off as he pulled the shower curtain with the intention of kissing his brother like hadn’t been able to do much since their dad got back. “/Oh/.”

 

Sam shuffled awkwardly, trying to hide his erection, which was proving hard given that he was completely naked.

 

Dean grinned slowly. “Whatcha thinkin’ about, Sammy?”

 

“Dean,” Sam whined, “Come on. Just take your piss before Dad starts wondering why you’re still in here.”

 

“Alright, alright.” Dean leaned into the shower, careful not to get wet, and pressed a kiss to Sam’s lips. “Continue as you were.”

 

He grinned, standing there for a few seconds, his eyes closed to try and relax before he stepped out of the bathroom, and closed the door behind himself. When he looked up his dad was pulling on his boots, and that alone kept him lingering near the bathroom.

 

“I’m gonna go get some groceries,” John said, standing up.

 

When he was the one going it meant for more than food (groceries in the Winchester household included ammo), so he’d probably be gone for at least an hour.

 

“Okay,” Dean answered, proud of how casual he sounded.

 

“I’ll be back in a while, let Sammy know.”

 

“Yes sir.”

 

John nodded, and then he was out the door, locking it behind him. After a couple minutes Dean opened the bathroom door again. Completely oblivious was Sam stroking himself, moaning quietly.

 

“Sammy!” Dean laughed when his brother jumped, nearly falling, and flushed deeply. “Come on. Dad’s gone, get outta there.”

 

“Dean!” Sam stuck his head out. “Jesus, just let me finish.”

 

“I will,” Dean insisted. The brothers had taken to making out, or kissing whenever they were alone, but it’d never gotten past that. No touching below the belt, or under clothes. As if that somehow made it all okay. “We can make out while you do.”

 

Sam’s eyes widened slightly. “Wh-what? Seriously…?”

 

“Yeah, yeah. Come on. Stop wasting time. Wanna kiss you.”

 

There was only a moment’s hesitation, and then Sam turned off the shower, and climbed out, grabbing a towel to dry himself off quickly. Then he was being dragged into the other room, and pushed onto their bed. Dean crawled up next to his little brother, and laid down so that he was facing him. His fingers card through the other’s hair, and then he was kissing him, slow and wet. Sam let out a small, needy moan, hand coming up to rest on Dean’s shoulder as his hips moved forward.

 

“S’okay, Sammy,” Dean whispered against his lips. “Go on. Touch yourself.”

 

Hesitantly the younger Winchester brought his hand down to wrap around his cock, stroking slowly. Dean let his lips travel down Sam’s jaw and neck so that he could watch.

 

“F-feel kinda weird,” Sam mumbled, though there was a small moan in his words.

 

“What feels weird?” Dean nipped at Sam’s neck, smirking a little at the whimper that got.

 

“You’re all dressed,” Sam mumbled, breath hitching as he started to stroke himself faster.

 

“Want me to take my clothes off?”

 

Sam nodded quickly, letting out a long moan. God, Dean had never heard someone moan so perfectly. He slowly let him go, and pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it to the side. sam’s eyes slid slowly down his torso, and he bit down on his lower lip thumb brushing lightly over the head of his cock. Dean actually flushed a bit under the attention.

 

“Th-thought you didn’t blush,” Sam murmured, lips twitching up slightly.

 

“Shut up, bitch,” Dean muttered with a small grin as he started undoing his jeans.

 

“Wh-whatever, jerk,” Sam breathed, eyes flicking down to watch Dean as he undid his pants, and pushed them down along with his boxers.

 

He was half hard at that point, and wrapped his fingers around his cock, stroking himself slowly.

 

A groan fell from his lips when he looked sam over, and noticed that he was stroking himself at the same pace, eyes glued to Dean’s dick. He laid back down next to his brother and slid his free hand slowly up his torso.

 

“Feel good, Sammy?” he whispered, kissing at his jaw.

 

“Yeah,” Sam moaned, hand coming up to clutch at Dean’s side.

 

“What were you thinkin’ about in the shower?”

 

Sam squirmed slightly as Dean nibbled on his earlobe. “I…At first I was…There’s this really cute girl at school…”

 

“Yeah? What’s she look like, Sammy?” Dean locked behind Sam’s ear, and sucking lightly down his neck, careful not to leave any marks.

 

“She…she’s got long, dark hair. Brown eyes. Really soft looking lips…”

 

“Wanna feel those lips around your cock?”

 

Sam let out a long moan, rocking into his own hand a little bit, and Dean lightly pinched his nipple, biting gently at his shoulder.

 

“Ye-yeah I do,” Sam panted softly, and Dean stroked himself faster.

 

“Tell me more about what she looks like, Sammy.”

 

“She…she’s got /really/ nice curves.”

 

“What about her tits?”

 

“They’re so…so perfect, Dean,” Sam moaned.

 

“Wanna suck on ‘em?”

 

They were both stroking themselves faster. Dean’s lips moved over Sam’s shoulder and neck,not daring to move down further, and Sam’s fingers dug into his skin.

 

“/Yes/,” he gasped.

 

“What else do you wanna do, Sammy?”

 

“Wanna…I wanna go down on her,” he moaned, breath coming heavier as Dean nipped back up his neck.

 

“Wanna eat ‘er out, Sammy? Think she’d taste good?”

 

A broken moan escaped the younger Winchester’s lips, fist moving faster, and Dean matched his speed.

 

“Y-yeah. Mmh. God…Yeah, Dean. Fuck, I’m so close.”

 

“Said that’s what you w-were thinkin’ about first,” Dean panted against his skin. “Wh-what’d you start thinkin’ about?”

 

“You,” Sam moaned loudly, and that ripped a groan from Dean.

 

“What about me?”

 

“Touching you. Y-you touching me. Letting me bl-blow you…Oh God, Dean. Please!”

 

“One day, Sammy,” Dean groaned, biting at his neck. “Promise. One day.”

 

Sam whimpered, rocking into his hand. “/So/ close, De!”

 

“Yeah,” Dean panted, rocking into his fist at the same speed as his brother. “Me too. Come for me, Sammy.”

 

As if all he’d been waiting for was Dean’s permission Sam let out a loud moan of his brother’s name, and then he was spilling over his fist, nails digging into Dean’s back. A few more thrusts, and the older Winchester was following suit.

 

They laid there panting, and kissing slowly for a few minutes before Dean finally pulled away, murmuring that he’d be right back when Sam started to complain. He came back a minute later with a washcloth and gently cleaned his brother off.

 

“Did you mean it?” Sam asked, staring up at Dean.

 

“Mean what, Sammy?”Dean finished cleaning Sam up and he tossed the washcloth to the dirty laundry, laying down next to him.

 

“That we’ll do that stuff someday. That you want it.” Sam buried his face in the crook of Dean’s neck, and was pulled in close.

 

“Yeah, Sammy. I meant it.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the lack of updates. My plan is to update at least every Wednesday from now on since we're on hiatus. I will do my best to follow by this. It should hopefully be easier with school ending soon. Thank you to everyone who's still following!

Dean’s heart pounded in his chest, threatening to burst out. His stomach twisted into knots. He was torn between wanting to cry, scream, or throw up, maybe he’d do all three.

 

He sat down on the edge of Sam’s bed because his knees were shaking, and he was pretty sure they’d give out on him soon otherwise. He stared down at the acceptance letter almost uncomprehendingly. 

 

Sammy got accepted into Stanford. No surprise. The kid was a fricking genius. But the thing was, Sam got accepted into Stanford, but he didn’t tell Dean. He hadn’t even told him he was applying. Sam was leaving, and he hadn’t said a damn thing.

 

_ _ _ _

 

“Just once,” Sam whispered, moving in closer to Dean as they laid in bed together. It’d been about six months since the first time they jerked off together, and Dean still hadn’t allowed any blow the belt touching. “Through your jeans, Dean. That’s all. Just through your jeans. Please?”

 

And how the hell was he supposed to deny Sammy when he asked like that? He was never capable of denying Sam anything, not really. It just seemed like he denied him frequently because he tried, he couldn’t just give in immediately.

 

“Okay, fine,” he said, sliding his hand down to palm Sam through his jeans as his brother began to do the same for him. They were both already hard, and close from making out, heavy petting, and grinding against each other. The relief of being touched by the each other just made it better and it wasn’t long before the were groaning, and panting, coming in their pants.

 

Dean got to shower first since it had been Sam’s idea but he hurried, not wanting his little brother to have to deal with the mess. When they were both clean they laid in bed kissing lazily until they both fell asleep.

 

\- - - -

 

All he’d been doing was looking for Sam’s porno mags that he tried to pretend he didn’t have, he’d just wanted something to jerk off to because his own mags were getting old, and Sam was out.

 

His eyes were glued to the page as if staring at it long enough might somehow change the meaning. Like it might say that no, Sammy wasn’t leaving him. Of course he wasn’t. Why would he do that?

 

——

 

“I wanna touch you,” Sam murmured one night when they were making out, grinding against each other, palming the other’s cocks through their jeans.

 

“Sammy…” Dean didn’t like saying no to this kind of thing, and damn, he wanted those fingers around him so bad. He wanted to run his own fingers along Sam’s shaft, tease him, and make him squirm. But fuck, Sam was sixteen and he was twenty. Wasn’t there something ethically wrong with that? As if there wasn’t already so many things wrong with what they were doing.

 

“Come on, Dean.” Sam just had to go, and give him puppy dog eyes. That fucking cheater. “I know I won’t be as good as the girls who do it, but I can try.”

 

That was it. They didn’t talk about the other people Dean screwed around with much. They hardly talked about the girls Sam had made out with. It wasn’t really jealousy. There was a deal they had that it was okay to mess around with other people because it felt to Dean like just screwing around with Sam wasn’t okay. They were fricking brothers. They needed to have something normal, but he never thought of them as better than Sam.

 

He slowly started working on the button of Sam’s jeans before tugging down the zipper. “They don’t make me feel better than you do, Sammy.”

 

After he shoved his hand down Sam’s pants the younger Winchester followed suit, moaning at the feeling of Dean’s hand on him. They both fumbled a bit at first, neither of them used to actually stroking a dick that wasn’t their own, but they quickly figured it out. Within minutes they were laying in each other’s arms, panting softly.

 

“Love you, Dean,” Sam mumbled sleepily, and Dean tensed up for a moment. He didn’t like saying that he loved people, but he did love Sam. He loved him far more than he should, so he mumbled back, “You too, Sammy.”

 

——

 

When Sam came back to the motel, Dean was laying on the bed their dad thought was his. He had started getting them their own room sometime between Sam’s sixteenth, and seventeenth birthdays, saying that they should have their own beds. Of course they had no complaints about that. They’d screw around in one, and sleep in the other, though they kept their things by their respective beds. This was the one they slept in.

 

The acceptance letter lay on the bed next to. The door opened, and his head snapped up, eyes flicking from the ceiling to where his brother was walking in.

 

“Hey,” Sam greeted, dropping some bags on the table and starting to toe off his shoes. “Dad went to have a few beers. Looks like we’re alone for the rest of the night…”

 

The meaning that was obvious, Sam wanted to screw around. Dean just grunted in response, and made no move to get up, his gaze returned to the ceiling.

 

“Dean, what’s-” Before Sam could finish the acceptance letter was thrown at him. “What is th-” He was cut off again as he picked up the paper. There was a minute of silence and then he quietly started, “Dean, I…”

 

“I don’t wanna fucking hear,” Dean snapped. He stood up, pushing past Sam, and walking out of the room.


	9. Chapter 9

“I wanna suck you,” Sam whispered as he ran his thumb over the head of Dean’s cock, spreading precome over it.

 

Dean bit back a groan. “Sammy, no.”

 

“Come on, Dean,” Sam murmured, biting, and sucking at his brother’s neck. “I’m almost seventeen now, why can’t I blow you?”

 

“‘Cause, Sammy,” Dean answered weakly, hand stuttering over the younger brother’s cock.

 

“‘Cause isn’t a good answer,” Sam mumbled. “You let all those girls suck you.”

 

“Sammy,” Dean sighed. “C’mon, don’t be like that.”

 

“Like what?” Sam pulled back to look up at Dean. “It’s true. You let them do whatever they want. You have sex with them, and all I’m allowed to do is give you a hand job. It’s not fair.”

 

Dean frowned, pulling Sam a little closer. “You mean way more to me than any of them though, Sammy, they don’t mean anything.”

 

“I know,” Sam mumbled, “But that’s not the point. If they don’t mean anything how come they get to do so much more than me?”

 

Dean was quiet for a minute, and then let out a sigh. “Fine.”

 

In an instant Sam was between Dean’s legs, tongue moving hesitantly over his slit, lapping up the precome. Dean groaned, unable to believe how amazing that curious tongue felt, and holy shit, Sam must’ve liked it too because he was moaning as he dipped his tongue into the slit, trying to get more precome. Dean quickly found his fingers tangling in that too long hair, just trying to find something for purchase.

 

“Fu-fuck,” he groaned as Sam’s lips finally wrapped around the head of his cock, surrounding it in wet heat.

 

It was messy, and wet. Sam could only take him about half way, and he kept having to pull back for air, but he stroked whatever he wasn’t sucking the whole time, using his saliva to slick the way, and he didn’t complain. No, he kept fucking moaning, and was so damn enthusiastic. It was some of the best head Dean had ever got. It didn’t take long before he began having to fight to be keep his hips still, fingers tugging at Sam’s hair, groans slipping passed his lips almost constantly.

 

“Sammy,” he groaned, “Fuck, Sammy. G-gonna come.” He tried to pull his brother’s head off, but seemed insistent on sucking him through his orgasm. He lifted his head to look down, and groaned at the sight. Sam was working him over the best he could, lips stretched around his cock, hand stroking what he couldn’t take in time with the bobs of his head, and to top it all off he was rubbing against the mattress, apparently trying to get some friction.

 

That was it. That sight was all it took. He pulled his hand away from Sam’s head so that he didn’t push it down. Fingers curled in the sheets, head thrown back again, he came with a string of curse mixed with “Sammy”, and “Oh my god”. Sam swallowed down every drop, moaning loudly as he did.

 

When Dean’s cock started softening he pulled off, giving soft little licks, and cleaning him off. He seemed perfectly content to just stay like that, but when Dean hissed, too sensitive, he sat up looking at Dean expectantly.

 

“How do you want me to take care of you?” Dean asked.

 

Sam flushed slightly, resting his hands on his thighs, and shaking his head. “I’m…I’m good.”

 

“Come on, Sammy. You gotta at least let me-” He cut off, watching Sam’s flush deepen, eyes moving down to see his brother’s softening cock, wet with come. “Oh.”

 

Dean slowly grinned as he pulled Sam down into his arms. “Guess we both liked it.”

 

Sam let out a breathy laugh as he curled up to Dean’s side. “Yeah,” he mumbled, “Guess so.”

 

-

 

Dean was already unlocking the Impala when he heard Sam call his name. Which really wasn’t to say he took a long time, just that Dean was moving fast.

 

“Dean, you weren’t supposed to find out like this,” Sam called.

 

Dean spun around so that he was facing his little brother as he approached him. “And how was I supposed to find out, Sammy? Were you planning to tell me the day you left?”

 

“What?! No!” Sam stared at Dean with wide, astonished eyes. “How could you think I would do that?”

 

Dean kept his expression hard, not wanting to let on all the things he was feeling, the pain caused by his uncertainty. “I didn’t think you would keep this from me, but I guess I was wrong about that, so how am I supposed to know?”

 

Before Sam got a chance to respond Dean was in the Impala. He started her up, ignoring the pleas to stay, and peeled out of the parking lot.

 

-

 

“Dean,” Sam moaned, fingers tangling in his brother’s short hair as he watch him bob up and down on his cock. “F-feels so good.”

 

This wasn’t the first time he’d gotten a blowjob from his brother, but he seemed to be slowly getting better at it. Sam was more of a natural. A natural that could control his fricking gag reflex.

 

Dean just hummed in response to Sam’s words, pleased that his confidence was actually justified. He knew he wouldn’t always be able to give Sam better head than all of the girls he’d get it from (so far there was just one girl, and it was her first time), but he could still make him feel damn good, and that was enough for him.

 

Suddenly, as he was dipping his tongue into the slit of Sam’s cock, he had an idea. Sam had been trying to get Dean to fuck him ever since the blowjobs started (“Come on, you can fuck my face, but not my ass?”), but Dean had yet to give in to that one. He figured he should at least wait until Sam was eighteen, and they were both consenting adults. There was one thing he could do though that any of the girls he was likely to be with before they screwed wouldn’t do. Hell, he’d be impressed if Sam ever found a girl willing to do it for him.

 

When he pulled off of Sam’s cock the younger Winchester whined. “Dean! Why’re you stopping?”

 

Dean just chuckled, and said, “Trust me, Sammy. You’re gonna like this.”

 

He lightly sucked down his shaft, and licked at his balls before pushing his legs further apart, and murmuring, “Lift your hips.” Sam obeyed immediately, and Dean spread his cheeks. There was a moment’s hesitation, and then licked around the rim.

 

The gasp from Sam’s lips that quickly turned into a moan was more than worth it. That was all the encouragement he needed to dip his tongue inside, slowly starting to work it in and out. Apparently that was really good to Sam because before he knew it his brother was holding his head there, pushing back on his tongue, and moaning so loudly Dean hoped his dad hadn’t gotten back to his room yet He couldn’t pull back to warn him he should be quiet if he wanted to though, and he definitely didn’t want to anyway. Those noises were more beautiful, and sexy than any moans he’d ever heard before, from the chicks he slept with, or Sam.

 

He found himself rubbing against the mattress, seeking any kind of friction for his leaking hard on, an by the time Sam came he was close, so damn close. Then his hole tightened as he orgasmed, clenching down around his tongue, and that was it. That was all he could take. A long moan, and he was coming all over the sheets.

 

When Sam finally let his head go he pulled back, panting, and looked up at him. “So you liked that?”

 

Sam lifted his head so that he could look down at Dean instead of staring up at the ceiling. “Are you kidding me? That was amazing.”

 

Dean grinned, glad he’d pleased his brother. “Good. Let’s go get cleaned up.”

 

Sam frowned, brows drawing together. “What about you?”

 

Dean chewed on his lower lip. “Um…Remember how you really liked giving me head that first time? Well, I…really liked this.”

 

For a second Sam looked confused, but then his eyes widened in understanding. “Oh! Well, uh…okay. Let’s…yeah, let’s get cleaned up.”

 

They took a shower together, Dean washing Sam’s hair, and twenty minutes later they were laying in bed together, Sam curled up to Dean’s side as they watched Star Trek.

 

-

 

Dean headed straight for the bar. He needed to get his mind off of things. The first one he stopped in front of had his dad’s truck in the parking lot. He cursed, having forgotten what Sam said, and continued driving until he came across the next bar.

 

Six shots of whiskey, and a few lame pick up lines later he found himself in the back of the Impala with a pretty brunette. It did little to take his mind off Sam. All he could think while she was bouncing on his cock-tight, and wet, and so damn good-was how he still hadn’t gone all the way with Sam because he wanted to make it special, and how now he probably wouldn’t get that chance.

 

The woman seemed to notice that his attention was elsewhere as she slowed down, and gave him a concerned look. This wasn’t fair, he decided, and forced all thought of Sam away as he laid her down, and fucked her for all she was worth. It wasn’t a bad lay, all things considered, but somehow when he pulled out, and tied a knot in the condom as he made sure she was satisfied (Which she was. Very. Even gave him her number so they could do it again sometime) he felt dirty.

 

By the time he got back to the motel Sam was in bed (the one they slept in, and called Dean’s), but definitely not asleep. He was far too still for that. Dean stripping down to his boxers, and climbed into bed, slipping up behind his brother, and wrapping his arm around Sam’s waist. A sigh of relief escaped the younger’s lips, and he grabbed Dean’s arm, pulling it to his chest, and wrapping his own arms around it.

 

“I’m sorry, Dean,” he whispered.

 

Dean was quiet for a moment, just holding his brother close, chest pressed up against his back. When he finally spoke it was barely more than a whisper. “Don’t leave me.”

 

“It’s not you I’m trying to leave,” Sam whispered back.

 

“But you’re still leaving me too.” Dean swallowed, pressing kisses to the back of Sam’s neck.

 

Sam sighed softly at the kisses, and ran his fingers along Dean’s arm. “I’m so sorry.”


	10. Chapter 10

The next couple weeks were difficult to say the least. They were strained, the air was tense around the brothers almost constantly. They still slept in the same bed together, and cuddled, but Dean was more reluctant to let go than usual. They still messed around, but it felt more desperate, and Dean had a hard time coming.

 

Sam was being especially nice. He bought Dean pie, and cleaned his guns for him. When Dad left a hunt to them he offered to do all the research without even pulling a bitch face. Under normal circumstances Dean would’ve loved it, and maybe paid Sam back by going down on him. Instead it felt wrong. It didn’t really mean anything. It was just that “I’m sorry” all over again.

 

They didn’t talk about it, not since that night. Dean had asked “when?”, and Sam had answered with, “The semester starts a little over a month.” He said he’d tell John a week before he left, give him a little bit of time to adjust. That almost started another fight, Dean snapping, “Is that what you were gonna do? Give me a week?”

 

“Dean…No,” Sam had replied softly, “I didn’t know what to say. I was just trying to figure out how to tell you.”

 

Dean had grumbled a bit after that, but Sam had just soothed him with soft kisses, and gentle touches until he stopped.

 

Sleep had been fitful for both of them, nightmares plaguing Dean more than usual. He dreamed of all the things that could go wrong. What if something happened and he couldn’t be there to protect his little brother?

 

He didn’t have enough time to think about it though because the time flew by, and before he knew it Sam was telling their dad that they needed to talk.

 

-

 

“You’re just gonna leave your family?” John snapped at his son.

 

The two of them were sitting at the table in the younger men’s room while Dean sat at the edge of his bed.

 

“I’m not leaving you guys, Dad,” Sam said, and it was clear that he was struggling to stay calm. It seemed they could never just talk. They were always arguing, always. Maybe it was better if Sam left, got a shot at a normal and happy life. Even if that meant giving up what they had now.

 

“I just wanna be normal!” Dean wasn’t sure what he missed while he wasn’t paying attention, but that was the next thing he heard, and it felt like he was reading Dean’s mind.

 

His head snapped up, and he looked between his dad, and brother. Sammy deserved that. He deserved a normal life, to be happy, to go to college, get a job, even find some pretty girl. He didn’t deserve a life of hunting, his closest thing to a relationship being a the secret one with his damned brother. And Dean certainly didn’t think he deserved him.

 

“So how do a couple of hunters fit into this ‘normal life’ of yours, Sam?”

 

“I don’t know! You stop hunting for a few days and come visit me now and then?!”

 

That officially started a yelling match, and Dean blocked it out. They would scream at each other for a bit, then John would storm off to the bar, and Sam would huff around for a bit before asking to screw around to blow off some steam. That was how it always went. He didn’t need to hear all the in betweens.

 

But then Sam was throwing things into his bag, and storming around the room. “Fine! Why should I wait!”

 

That caught Dean’s attention. “Sammy, stop!”

 

Sam looked at his brother, a flash of pain crossing his expression. “Dean, I have to go.”

 

“No you don’t,” Dean said, voice soft and almost pleading. “You don’t have to do this. Please don’t do this.”

 

“I do,” Sam said, picking up his hoodie and looking at it for a moment before tossing it on the bed for Dean to keep. “I’m going to the bus station. There probably won’t be one to catch tonight, so I’m planning to stay there.”

 

Dean immediately picked up on what Sam was saying. He didn’t want to leave without a proper good-bye. He gave a little nod, looking resigned, and found his AC/DC shirt to shove in his brother’s bag, biting the inside of his cheeks to keep himself from crying.

 

Sam threw his bag over his shoulder, and looked at Dean one last time before heading toward the door, not sparing a glance at his father.

 

“If you walk out that door,” John said angrily, “Don’t ever come back.”

 

Dean’s stomach twisted into knots at the words, and Sam stopped, his body tensing. Then he was out the door a moment later, slamming it behind himself.

 

-

 

Dean waited. He listened to John yell and rant, ignoring the things he was actually saying, and trying not to cry, or scream at him. This was all his fault. He could have had his brother for another week, but their dad had to go and…be himself.

 

Finally he couldn’t take it anymore. He didn’t know how long John had been yelling, but it didn’t seem like he was letting up anytime soon, and Dean just couldn’t listen anymore. Not when Sam was on his way to the bus station. He’d thought eventually his dad would storm out of the room, but he just didn’t stop, so finally Dean pushed himself up.

 

“I need to get out of here,” he mumbled. “I need to just…I need to go for a drive.” His voice was calm, but his hand were shaking as he grabbed his keys, and walked out (much to his surprise) with no protests from his father.

 

He immediately headed for the bus station, taking the route he figured Sam would walk. He was a little more than halfway there when he spotted his brother walking down the dark road. He pulled up next to him, and rolled down the window. “Need a ride?”

 

Sam’s head snapped up, an he looked at Dean, giving him a small, sad smile as he walked over, and opened the passenger door, slipping in.

 

“Thanks, Dean,” he said quietly, putting his bag on the floorboard at his feet.

 

“‘Course, Sammy,” Dean said, pulling away. “Sorry it took so long.”

 

Sam just waved a hand dismissively, telling Dean not to worry about it without any words. After that they drove in silence. Dean wasn’t heading for the bus station anymore, but Sam didn’t comment. He just stared out the window, Dean glancing at him now and then.

 

After what felt like forever, but was probably more like twenty minutes, he pulled off a dirt road. It seemed unlikely that anyone even used the road during the day, let alone this late at night. It was the best they could get to real privacy.

 

He cut the engine, and climbed out, sliding into the backseat without a word. Sam followed behind him, and Dean held out his arms to pull his brother in close.

 

“I’m sorry,” Sam mumbled, burying his face in the crook of Dean’s neck. “I never…I didn’t mean to leave now. I just can’t do this anymore, Dean. I can’t go back there.”

 

Dean held Sam close, kissing anything he could reach, his temple, his shoulder, his hair, it didn’t matter. “It’s okay, Sammy. Shh…It’s okay.”

 

He knew his brother was right, he had to go. Dean just wished so badly that he could go with him. But what would he do? Besides, that wasn’t the way to give him his normal life. No, they needed to be away from each other for awhile. This was their last night together.

 

Dean pulled back just a little bit so that he could press his lips to Sam’s. “I love you, Sammy.”

 

“I love too, Dean,” Sam whispered kissing him back softly.

 

For a while that was all they did. Just soft, slow kisses, hands moving slowly along each other. After awhile it got a little more passionate, breath coming heaviers, hands pushing under each other’s shirts, bodies trying to press closer together.

 

Dean broke the kiss to pull of his shirt, and toss it in the front seat. Then he was pushing Sam’s shirt up, tugging it over his head. His lips immediately attached to his brother’s collarbone, sucking and licking at it, leaving little marks on his skin. he wanted Sam to be his for awhile longer.

 

“I love you,” he whispered again, lips moving down further to suck at his nipple.

 

Sam moaned, arching his back in an attempt to press up against Dean’s mouth. “I l-love you too,” he panted back. “Dean, please…”

 

Dean’s eyes flicked up to his brother’s face. “Please what, little brother? What do you want?”

 

“You,” Sam moaned, staring at Dean with eyes full of lust, and need. “Please, Dean. I want you. I want my first time to be with you.”

 

Dean bit his lip. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Their first time wasn’t supposed to be in the back of the Impala, out of desperation, and need to be together like this at least once. Their first time wasn’t supposed to be their last time.

 

“Okay,” he whispered. He just needed to feel Sam, just this once, so if his brother wanted it then he was certainly willing to give it to him.

 

There was a bit of awkward fumbling to get their pants pants and boxers off, and then Dean was leaning across the front seat to find the lube he kept in the glovebox since he first started fingering Sam.

 

Dean dropped the bottle on the seat, and leaned in to kiss Sam soft and slow. “Let me know if it hurts, okay? Gonna make this perfect, Sammy.”

 

Sam just nodded a bit breathless. “O-okay,” he panted, “Dean please…”

 

The older Winchester forced himself to pull away just a little bit, grabbing the lube, and pouring some on his fingers. “Spread your legs, Sammy.”

 

His brother didn’t even hesitated, spreading his legs, and arching his hips off the seat. Dean slid his hand down, and rubbed his fingers gently over Sam’s hole before pushing one in, pulling a moan from his lips.

 

“God, you’re so tight,” Dean breathed approvingly, as if this was his first time noticing. “You’re gonna feel so good, Sammy.”

 

He quickly started working his finger in and out of Sam, twisting and curling it now and then. It wasn’t long before he was pushing down on Dean’s finger, begging for more. There was barely even a pause before a second finger slipped inside to scissor him open.

 

“Oh god, Dean,” Sam moaned, screwing his eyes shut, and biting his lower lip. “Fuck that feels good…”

 

Encouraged, Dean thrust his fingers harder, and faster. A couple minutes, and he was pushing a third finger in, kissing, and sucking at his brother’s skin. His cock was aching, but he ignored it, taking his time, even as Sam begged for more, for Dean to just fuck him already.

 

What felt like hours later he finally pulled his fingers out, and grabbed the lube, slicking his cock up thoroughly. Sam eagerly lifted his hips again, and wrapped his legs around Dean’s waist, staring up at him with wide eyes.

 

“I can’t believe this is finally happening,” he breathed.

 

“I know,” Dean whispered, cock nudging gently at Sam’s hole before he started pushing in slowly.

 

Sam whimpered softly, and Dean leaned in to press a tender kiss to his lips. “Sh…It’s okay, Sammy. Gonna take it nice n’ slow.”

 

Sam leaned up into the kiss and gave a little nod, whispering, “O-okay.”

 

Dean slowly pushed in the rest of the way, and wrapped his arms around Sam’s torso, just laying like that for awhile. It wasn’t until Sam whispered, “Move. Please move,” that he slowly pulled out, and just pushed back in.

 

He kept the slow pace, kissing Sam as they held each other tightly, hearts pounding a little harder than usual, breath coming heavy, breathy versions of their names leaving each other’s lips. And Dean decided that he couldn’t regret this. No, it wasn’t even close to how he wanted their first time to be, but somehow it was still perfect, and it was a first for Dean too. He’d fucked, oh he’d fucked plenty, but he’d never made love. And this? This was without a doubt making love.

 

It lasted longer than he was used to, a fact that he was incredibly thankful for. When he finally did come it wasn’t hard, and rough like he was used to, but deep, and with a moan of, “Sammy,” and a hand wrapped around his brother’s cock, stroking him to completion. The way Sam moaned his name as he spilled over his fist was absolutely incredible.

 

When they’d both come they laid in each other’s arms, panting softly, and pecking each other’s lips.

 

“I love you,” Dean whispered. “I love you so much. I don’t want you to go.”

 

“I know, Dean,” Sam whispered, stroking his brother’s back. “I love you too, but I have to go.”

 

“I know,” Dean all but whimpered, tears forming in his eyes. he didn’t know what he was supposed to do without Sam. He barely knew who he was without him. “You’ll…promise you’ll call.”

 

“Of course I’ll call, Dean,” Sam said quietly. “I’m gonna miss you, jerk.”

 

Dean smiled a little at that. “You too, bitch.”

 

They didn’t talk anymore after that. Dean pulled out, and shifted so Sam was on top, between his legs, head rested against his chest. He held him tightly, just listening to him breath until he fell asleep.

 

The next morning was quiet. Sam and Dean dressed in silence, and then they drove to the bus stop. Sam bought his ticket, mumbling that it would be about an hour, and the two held each other in the Impala while they waited.

 

Fifty minutes later Dean hugged and kissed his brother before watching him get on the bus. That was the moment that his whole world crumbled.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's late 'cause of moving, but it's here!

It took hours of pacing, grabbing keys in determination, and then tossing them down on the table a dozen times. It took days of contemplation, driving in the direction of California, and then finding a motel, and trying to get a hold of John for the rest of the day, and night, but finally he’d made up his mind. He was in the car, heading to Stanford to find his brother after two years of no contact whatsoever.

 

It wasn’t like they hadn’t tried to keep in contact. They really did, and for the first few months it was alright. They’d talked every night when Dean was alone. Sometimes it’d even turned into phone sex (something Dean had actually never been able to get into before), but things just got in the way. Sam was busy, and the nights he could call Dean was exhausted from hunts. Then his phone was destroyed in a particularly bad encounter with a ghost, and he lost his little brother’s number. He’d tried to contact him, but it was hard. By the time he tracked him down (maybe with the help of a little stalking) there was a girl. A pretty blonde. And Sam looked at her the way he used to look at Dean, he couldn’t ruin that.

 

So Sam had finally gotten what he’d wanted. He’d gotten his normal life with no hunting, no Dean, and he was happy. Now Dean was about to crash into his life, and fuck it all up. God, he seriously hated himself sometimes.

 

It wasn’t like he wanted to do it though. He really didn’t. Sure, he missed the hell out of his brother. That much was obvious to him in the way he slept around like he before his thing with Sam had started, probably even a little bit more. There’d only been two chicks who meant anything to him (Cassi, and Lisa), but they hadn’t even begun to compare. So yeah, he missed Sam like hell. He didn’t have his purpose anymore. He didn’t have his little brother to look after. He’d still be doing what he could though. He’d left Sam alone so he should be happy. This? Coming to get him? It hadn’t been an easy decision, but it had to be done.

 

He walk through the apartment, evading his brother for a while before finally walking into the room where he knew he was waiting. Suddenly Sam jumped at him, and it was all kicks, punches, and blocks from there.

 

Then Sam was pinned underneath him, and a swarm of memories came back. Sam panting, and squirming, moaning Dean’s name as he ground against him. The practices where they’d fight, and one of them would pin the other just to peck their lips.

 

He quickly pushed these thoughts away, and grinned down at his little brother. “Whoa. Easy, tiger.”


	12. Chapter 12

It was awkward seeing Sam with his girlfriend, but Dean hid it, pushed all his emotions down, and made jokes about the Smurfs and Jessica being out of Sam’s league. That was total bullshit of course. Sam looked as good as ever with his stupid hair, and his ridiculous height. All Dean wanted was to pull him into a tight hug, and kiss him senseless. It was thanks to no more than amazing self control (probably the self control acquired when they were hiding their thing from Dad) that he didn’t do just that.

 

The same self control kept him from pulling off to the side of the road as they headed toward the town their dad had been investigating last. The silence between them was painfully awkward, so he kept the music loud, hoping to drown out the tension along with his own thoughts.

 

_

 

Once they finally started getting into the swing of things it got a bit less awkward between them. The more normal it felt though the harder it got not to think about what they used to have. They were busy though, and that certainly helped. Worry about Dad, he kept telling himself, just worry about Dad, and don’t think about how much you miss Sammy.

 

It wasn’t until they got back to the hotel after the damn Woman in White ran him off the bridge that it got to be too much to deal with. Sam was trying to apologize about the things he said about Mom, to talk feelings, and he just could not deal with that.

 

He held up a hand, looked at Sam seriously, and said, “No chick flick moments.”

 

When Sam looked at him incredulously, and just came back with, “Whatever…jerk,” he felt a warmth spread through him like nothing had in awhile.

 

“Bitch,” he retorted, and headed into the bathroom to wash himself and his clothes.

 

Somehow in the mix of all that he ended up jerking off in the shower. And if it was ‘Sammy’ he clamped his hand over his mouth to keep from moaning when he came, well…no one had to know that.

 

_

 

It was finally over. They sorted out the bitch, and were headed out of town, Sam looking up the coordinates their dad had left while Dean drove. He had no particular destination just yet, maybe a diner since they hadn’t eaten for a while. He’d just decided to pull off at the closest one when he realized Sam wasn’t planning on going with him.

 

Of course he wasn’t. Why would he want to go with him when he had someone at home waiting for him, when he had his normal, safe life with his pretty girlfriend and his law school interview? Who in their right mind would choose annoying, boring, dangerous Dean who was in love with his little brother over that?

 

“Dean,” Sam tried, and he knew then that he hadn’t been able to keep the disappointment out of his voice.

 

Dean just held up his hand. “Don’t. I get it.”

 

After that they fell into another awkward silence. Sam glanced over now and then like he wanted to say something, but Dean just shot him a look every time, effectively keeping him quiet.

 

When he finally dropped Sam off he was ready to just drive to Colorado, to turn the music up loud, and only break for food, and gas. He was about to do just that he noticed the static in the stereo, telling him something was off.

 

He made a quick u-turn, and parked near Sam’s apartment, not caring how shitty the parking job was. He didn’t even lock up as he ran back to his brother’s apartment, and burst in. For the second time in their lives he found himself pulling Sam out of the flame, away from his normal life.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, sorry I'm late. I've been busy n' kinda spaced that it was Wednesday, and then couldn't get online, but here's another pretty sad chapter~

he car ride was quiet, they drove for miles in silence. This time it was Dean glancing over now and then, but Sam didn’t say anything. He just pressed his forehead to the window, staring out of it. And fuck, Dean ached. He ached to pull Sam into his arms, to hold him, and promise everything was okay like he used to after his little brother had nightmares. But this wasn’t just another nightmare. Sam’s girlfriend-the one he’d so obviously loved-was dead. And there wasn’t a damned thing Dean could do about it.

 

-

 

After a while Dean pulled off the highway, and only then did Sam lift his head from the window and looked at Dean.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

His voice was void of emotion, and that only made it worse. The pain would have been easier for Dean to deal with.

 

“Looking for a motel.”

 

“I thought you wanted to make it by morning.”

 

Dean frowned, and glanced at Sam. “Yeah, well…Change of plans. I’m exhausted, and need to sleep on a bed.”

 

Sam looked at Dean skeptically, but then nodded, and leaned his head against the window again, staying just like that until they pulled up to the motel. He waited in the car while Dean checked them in, getting two beds even though he would have preferred one, and then followed him in, helping carry their bags.

 

The younger Winchester stripped down to his boxers almost mechanically, not even acknowledging the way Dean stared at him, clearly concerned as he followed suit, and turned the lights off before they both climbed into their respective beds.

 

Dean wasn’t sure how long he stared at the back of Sam’s head. It felt like hours, but he knew his little brother wasn’t sleeping. He’d long ago memorized the way his brother’s body rose and fell with sleep.

 

After a long time Sam suddenly got up from his bed, and walked over to Dean’s. He climbed into the bed as his older brother stared at him, and Dean wrapped his arms around him, pulling him in close without a word.

 

Sam cried against his chest and Dean just rubbed his back, and kissed the top of his head. When Sam started mumbling about this being his fault, and never getting to see Jess again, and apologies to Dean, his brother just gently shushed him, and held him tighter.

 

Eventually Sam fell asleep, and Dean laid there, holding him close. He wished he could enjoy being able to have Sam in his arms again, but it just hurt because he knew it didn’t take his brother’s pain away. It couldn’t. Not after something like this.

 

It took a long while for him to fall asleep, and when he did it was restless. Sam woke up crying again because of his nightmares, and Dean gently pet, and hushed him until he fell asleep again.

 

When Dean woke up in the morning he was alone, and Sam was showered and dressed. The night before wasn’t acknowledged. In fact Sam acted like he was just fine, and Dean felt more helpless than ever before.


	14. Chapter 14

Suits, and planes. That had simultaneously been the best, and worst case that they had ever had. The suits were awful. Really, truly awful, or Dean’s had been at least. Sure, he’d been one that suggested Homeland Security in the first place, but Sam had been right. He looked like a seventh grader at his first dance. And what was worse was that Sam… he looked down right hot, and it was seriously unfair. He was supposed to be the older, better looking brother, and he was also starting to lose count of how many times he’d jerked off thinking about his little brother since they’d started hunting together again. 

Then there was all that plane bullshit. He was never getting on a plane. Damn Sammy for being important enough that Dean wouldn’t let him go on it himself. To be fair though, he did make it up to him. Dean had been sitting in his seat, legs bouncing anxiously when he’d felt a hand slid into his. Looking down briefly he’d laced his fingers with Sam’s, and stared straight ahead, trying to think of nothing but the thumb gently rubbing over the back of his hand. They’d even stayed that way for almost ten minutes before Sam questioned him humming Metallica. When it was all said and done, Sam had taken him to get pie. So yeah, it was the best and worst case ever. 

_

Dean was still trying to let Sam have something resembling a normal life. He really was, so when they had a case that involve a really cute pastor’s daughter he pushed Sam toward her. It would be a lie to say that he felt no jealousy, especially after finding out that they’d kissed, but in the end Sam didn’t even want to stay a little while. 

The jealous wasn’t even about Sam liking the girl though. Not really. It’d never really been just them, but it had always been them, and now there was no them. Sammy had gotten past his weird crush on his big brother. He’d moved beyond awkward, incestuous relationships, and he’d left Dean behind. 

-

It was after a really weird case about bugs when Dean first made a comment that was absolutely not brotherly. They’d gone to an open house, and the first time someone assumed they were together Dean had quickly corrected them. The second time though he just couldn’t help having a bit of fun. He’d said something about going to talk to Larry and patted Sam’s ass before walking away. 

After that he just couldn’t get the though of that ass out of his head. God, he missed touching it, fingers it, eating it… They were in the Impala, heading back to the motel when Dean made a comment on it. 

"You know you’ve still got a really nice ass, Sammy," he said, glancing over at his little brother. “Can’t stop thinkin’ about it. I’m definitely gonna need the first shower when we get back." 

The blush on Sam’s face was well worth it, and he did get the first shower when they got back, where he once again jerked off thinking about Sam.


	15. Chapter 15

Dean was a bit of a wreck. He wouldn’t act like it, but on the inside he was a torrent of chaos. Sam and himself had gone back to the house their mom died in, and had seen her. And still his dad wasn’t answering their calls. What was worse then all of that combined was that Dean had very nearly lost his little brother.

While they were trying to purify the house (whatever Missouri had called it) a corn had been wrapped around Sam’s neck, strangling him, and Dean had stopped it just in time to have Sam collapse against him, unconscious, but alive.

He’d held him tightly for awhile, shaking him, and murmuring, “Sammy, wake up. Please wake up, come on! Come on, I need you.”

When Sam finally woke he’d let Dean hold him awhile longer, and press kisses into his hair as he calmed down.

So yeah, Dean had an extremely traumatic night, and he was as wreck, but Sam was alive, so he only showed by taking care of his brother a little extra, and sleeping like shit for a few nights.

-

Dean tried not to show that he was upset, but their last case really gotten to him. He knew that it wasn’t Sam’s fault, and that the younger Winchester felt bad, so he didn’t want to show he was upset, but it couldn’t change the fact that Sam had tried to kill him, because of a ghost or not.

They’d gone to this fucking asylum, and there’d been some nut job doctor who tried all these experiments on his patients that had only made them angrier, and he’d managed to make Sam go crazy for a little while.

When they left the asylum Sam asked if they needed to talking about, but Dean said no because was he even supposed to say on the subject anyway?

So it was dropped. They didn’t talk about it again, but that night when they got back to the motel, and went to bed Sam climbed in with his brother.

“What are you doin’, Sammy,” Dean asked quietly, not upset, or in anyway trying to make him stop. Just a simple question.

“I’m sorry,” Sam whispered, moving in close, and hesitating a moment before wrapping his arms around Dean.

“Dude…” Dean pulled Sam in closer, shaking his head. “You’ve got nothing to apologize for. You didn’t do shit wrong. It wasn’t your fault.”

“But you’re upset,” Sam mumbled, “And it upset me too.”

“Sammy,” Dean sighed, holding him more tightly. “It’s okay. I know it wasn’t you. Not really.”

“No, don’t comfort me,” Sam huffed, pulling back just enough to look into Dean’s eyes. “Don’t try to be all big and strong. Just this one time. Please…”

Dean groaned. “Sammy…”

“No, just let me take care of you, Dean,” Sam begged.

There was a moment’s hesitation, and then Dean sighed, forcing himself to let his guard down. “Okay, it was scary,” he said, “I wasn’t sure what was going for a second. I didn’t know what to do. I just hoped it wasn’t really you.”

“Of course it wasn’t,” Sam whispered, looking Dean in the eye, and brushing his fingers through the man’s short hair. “You’re my big brother. You’re all I’ve got. I love you, okay?”

At those words Dean’s chest tightened and a warmth spread through him at the same time. He buried his face in Sam’s neck, eyes squeezed tightly shut, arms tightening around him. “I know,” he whispered. “I know. God, I love you too, Sammy.”

Sam just held Dean close, hand stroking down his back slowly as he pressed soft kisses to his temple. Dean shook, and clung to his brother. After awhile he drifted off, still held tightly by the younger Winchester.

In the middle of the night he woke up to Sam moving out of his bed.

“Sammy? What’re you doin’,” he asked sleepily, reaching out to touch Sam’s arm.

“Shh. It’s okay. Just go back to sleep, Dean,” Sam whispered, and Dean reluctantly dropped his arm before watching Sam move back to his own bed. He stared at him for a long while before falling asleep again, the bed suddenly cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working on the Calthazar big bang, so I'm gonna be on hiatus for awhile, unfortunately. I'll add more when I get a chance!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the hiatus! I should be back now though. I can't guarantee how frequent updates will be, but I'll try to make them as frequent as possible~ Thanks to those who stuck with me.

**Chapter 16**

 

Dean was woken up early in morning by the sound of Sam talking into his cell phone. His first thought was that his brother had left his bed in the middle of the night, apparently unwilling to sleep with him for more than a few hours, if he even slept at all. His mourning, however, was interrupted as he started processing the words.

            “Is that Dad?” He sat up and started pulling his shirt on, trying to get Sam to tell him something as the younger Winchester argued with his father. After a few moments he grabbed the phone in annoyance. “Dad what’s going on?”

            “Dean, I need you to take down a list of names.” No hello, no how are things, nothing. Just an order. That was one thing Dean knew well and he took it without hesitation, quickly finding a pen and something to write on. He wanted to question this, all of this. He wanted to know what the hell was going on, what they’re dad wasn’t telling them, but he was a good son, so he just did as he was told, got ready, and got into the Impala.

 

-

 

            “So this is just a hunt? We’re just supposed to go save some people? What about the demon?” Sam had been bitching since the moment they got  in the car and Dean was pretty much ignoring it. He couldn’t quite wrap his head around what Sam’s problem was. Obviously there dad knew something they didn’t  know, or they would be there with him now.

            There were moments of quiet when Sam was calm, but then they’d start bickering again, saying the same things every time. Finally it got bad and the next thing Dean knew he was driving off by himself, watching his brother disappear in the rearview mirror.

            He didn’t want to leave. The last thing he wanted to do was leave his little brother, but what the hell  was he supposed to do? He couldn’t take him to California. He had his orders and he had to follow them or more people were going to die.

            It was hardly a few hours before he started missing Sam. Just trying to sleep in the motel without Sam there with him was hell. He tossed and turned all night, worrying about his brother, wanting to know if he was okay. How could he just leave him there in the middle of the night? Sam was a big boy though. He could take care of himself, so Dean let it go and eventually fell asleep, though he naturally dreamed of the younger Winchester.

 

-

 

            Eventually he had to call Sam to check up on him. He couldn’t  deal with knowing whether or not his brother was safe, so he hopped into the Impala and dialed Sam’s number as he started driving.

            “Hello?” Sam’s voice was a bit tired, but Dean felt his heart kick up a bit as he relaxed.

            “Sammy,” he breathed, fingers loosening on the steering wheel.

            “Dean,” Sam breathed back and it sounded the way it used to, back when they were teenagers and everything was so much more simple. Damn, he missed those days.

            “Good to know you’re alive,” Dean said with a little chuckle.

            “Dean…”

            “Yeah, yeah. Listen, I found out what I’m hunting…”

 

-

 

            It was shitty, telling Sam that he should go his own way, that he should do his own thing. That was the last thing he wanted. He needed his brother there with him. He’d meant it when he said he couldn’t cope without the younger man. He couldn’t keep him there forever though. He’d just push him further and further away like that, so he had to let him go, no matter how much it hurt.

 

-

 

            Just a couple hours later Dean was having second thoughts about letting Sam go. His phone was gone and he locked in a bomb shelter. This town was full of a bunch of psychopaths. Apparently they were all in on this and saving that couple back there meant that he was about to be a sacrifice. Great. Fucking Pagan gods…

 

-

 

            The thing was, before Sam came back into the picture, Dean used to be a damn good hunter. Sure, sometimes he’d go hunting with their dad and it’d be a lie to say that those weren’t his favorite times, but it would also be a lie to say he didn’t do just fine on his own. Maybe he was out of practice, or maybe he just wasn’t as good as he’d thought he was. All he knew was that without Sammy there he was screwed. The girl tied to the tree next to him was screwed.

            He was doing his best not to make it obvious that he’d given up hope because really? What chance did they have here? The girl deserved hope though. He didn’t want her to spend all this time terrified and knowing she was going to die right before he happened.

            It was coming. He knew it was coming and they had no way to get out of here because Sam was going to California in search for their dad and that god damn thing that killed Mom.

            Suddenly though, it wasn’t over. Because suddenly, out of nowhere, Sammy was back.

 

-

 

            There wasn’t a lot of time to talk what with helping the victim get out of town and all, but when they finally did Dean was terrified. He was sure that Sam was going to leave him again. But then he went off on one of his girly speeches that Dean always pretended didn’t get to him.

            When the younger brother was done Dean looked at him, hoping the utter love and devotion on his face was obvious. “Hold me, Sam,” he said seriously, “That was beautiful.”

            The laugh it got out of Sam was totally worth it. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based around Faith and Route 666

It was insane. One minute Dean was going after this evil monster that had kidnapped two kid, the next he was waking up in a hospital. He felt like shit, as the understatement of the century. His whole body ached, he was exhausted, and the doctors were telling him there wasn’t much they could do.

            Apparently he’d accidentally electrocuted himself. The good news was he’d kill that evil son of a bitch. The bad news was that now Sam seemed dead set on saving him. Like that would happen.

 

-

 

            A couple hours after Sam left Dean decided that he couldn’t take it here. The food sucked, the channels they had sucked, and worst of, his little brother wasn’t there. If he was about to die he’d be damned if he was gonna do it in some hospital without Sammy.

            So he checked himself out and headed back to the motel to die in peace.

            Apparently though, Sam had other ideas. Some type of specialist. He wasn’t really buying it, but whatever helped his brother stay calm, right?

            The good news was that now everything was calm and they could both go to sleep.

            Sam helped him into bed and got his jeans off, deciding to leave the hoodie he was wearing on. It was something they both wore as a bit of comfort when they were sick. Once he was in just the hoodie and his boxers he watched Sam strip down to his boxers and shirt, hoping the longing wasn’t too obvious on his face. If he was going to die the best thing he could ask for was to have his little brother one more time.

            He kept that to himself though and looked away, caught off guard when the bed dipped and he felt Sam’s warm body pressed against his back, strong arms carefully wrapping around his waist.

            “Sammy?” His voice was quiet, hardly more than a whisper.

            “Get some sleep, Dean,” Sam whispered back and pressed a kiss to the back of Dean’s neck, causing him to sigh in pleasure.

            It didn’t take long after that. A few minutes and he was out. The best part? When he woke up in the morning Sam was still right there.

 

-

 

            “So you called Dad?” Dean asked from the passenger seat. They were on their way to this specialist and Sam had told him awhile ago. He’d been letting the idea stew in his head for awhile before he finally asked.

            Sam glanced over. “Huh? Oh, yeah. Of course.”

            “And he didn’t bother to call back?” Dean’s brow was raised and he was trying to act tough, but damn that hurt. He couldn’t even call back or pick up the damn phone when his son was dying? Dean vaguely wondered if he would’ve answered if it was Sam hurt instead of him.    

            “He’s probably been too busy to even listen to the voice mail,” Sam suggested, but it seemed a bit of a stretch.

            Dean rested his head against the window and pretended to sleep.

 

-

 

            Sam was being a bit clingy. He was trying to take care of his brother beyond need. Every time they had to stop to take a piss the younger Winchester would be trying to practically carry his brother. That stopped after Dean asked Sam if he wanted to hold it for him and he got all flustered.

            It was weird though. Not bad, but weird. He just wasn’t used to this kind of attention from Sam. He wouldn’t complain though. Not until they got to the “specialist” which turned out to be a god damn “faith healer”. Fuck Sam.

 

-

 

            So it worked. It was fucking crazy, but it worked. He knew right away. They were headed to the hospital to check with the doctors, but he already knew because hell, he  felt great. He was the one driving there, he wasn’t as exhausted as usual, and he felt awesome. The only trouble was: he couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something off about this.

 

-

 

            Of course he was right because really? When did good things ever happen in Dean Winchester’s life without there being some kind of price tag? The price here? Another man’s life.

            He was pissed. No, he was livid. And he knew it wasn’t really Sam’s fault. How could the guy know? It wasn’t like Dean wouldn’t have done the same thing for him. Hell, even if he did know the price he would do it for his little brother. Maybe it was wrong, but he needed Sammy. So yeah, he couldn’t blame Sam, but the younger man was an easy target for his anger.

            The worst part was how he just sat there and took. He just bowed his head and listened to Dean yell at him, chewing on his lower lip. He didn’t look back up until a couple minutes after his brother had stopped.

            “I couldn’t live without you,” he whispered.

            That made Dean paused. He was sitting in a chair near the door now and he’d been staring off into space. At the words though he froze and turned his head, looking back at Sam. There were tears in the man’s eyes and suddenly Dean was filled with guilt.

            He stood up and walked over to stand in front of Sam. Tipping his brother’s chin up he stared down into his hazel eyes.

            “I would’ve done the same thing,” he whispered and leaned down to kiss Sam’s forehead, wiping a tear from the man’s cheek. “It’s okay, little brother. I’m here.”

 

-

 

            In the end they were able to stop it. Right before a woman Dean had gotten to know (Layla) was saved. It sucked. She deserved to be saved. She was sweet and kind and yeah, she deserved it, but he couldn’t let someone die in her place. He just couldn’t (partly because Sam wouldn’t let him). He buried that guilt though, along with all his other guilt, and let it go.

 

-

 

            Dean was filling up the tank while Sam hit the head and bought them some snacks. He leaned against his baby, looking around as he waited. A phone rang in the Impala and he leaned in, grabbing his cell from the middle of the seat. At the name on the screen his heart stopped.

            Cassie. It’d been so long since he heard from her. Sam had been away at college. She was the first girl he was ever serious about, the only other person besides his little brother. He was pretty sure he’d gotten over her, so why the hell was she calling now?

            “Hello?”

            “Dean.” Okay, maybe he was wrong about getting  over her because damn, the sound of that voice? It still made his heart rate kick up (not that he’d admit that in a million years).

            “Cassie,” he answered, trying to keep his voice calm, “It’s been awhile.”

            “Yeah…” He could hear the nervousness in her voice and it only made him more nervous.

            “What can I do for you?”

            “Were you telling the truth? Before you left?”

            The truth, of course, being that he hunted monsters. Why the hell he’d told her that he didn’t even know anymore. It had been a mistake, obviously. It had been the whole reason they broke up.

            “Yeah, I was telling the truth.”

            “I need your help,” she said quietly and he was already pulling the nozzle from the pump.

            “Text me the address. I’ll be there in a few days,” he said and hung up just as Sam came over.

 

-

 

            “So you had a girlfriend?” Sam grinned a little bit, “How come you never told me?”

            “We weren’t exactly having coffee every Friday back then, Sam,” Dean answered with a roll of his eyes.

            “Why haven’t you told me since?”

            “’Cause it doesn’t matter,” Dean huffed. He really did not want to talk about his ex-girlfriend with his…ex-boyfriend slash brother. That was just too much.

            “Like hell it doesn’t,” Sam insisted and Dean just turned up the radio, refusing to have this conversation.

 

-

 

            It was intense, seeing Cassie again after all this time. Of course it was nothing like when he’d seen Sam again after their time apart, but she was the only one he’d ever been serious about besides his little brother. She was the one who’d made him think, if only for a little while, that maybe he could deal without Sam. Of course it’d been ridiculous. He shouldn’t have gotten attached. Those things only hurt, but still. It was a mistake. That was all.

 

-

 

            The questions seemed to be never ending, but Dean ignored Sam. He answered a few things here and there, but other than that he didn’t really want his brother to know. He didn’t want him to realize she was supposed to be a replacement for him. Sam had had Jess, but this…this had been entirely different. This wasn’t like that. He hadn’t moved on.

 

-

 

            One minute they were fighting. They were yelling at each other about who’s fault it had been that they’d broken up. The next they were falling into bed together, Dean was pulling off Cassie’s clothes and she was pulling his off. Their hands were roaming all over each other’s bodies, trying to touch wherever they possibly could.

            It’d been so long since he’d felt that skin beneath his hands, since he’d heard that voice moan his name. She was the only one other than Sam who had gotten the chance to learn what Dean liked, to have more than one time with him, and damn she’d remembered.

            Finally she collapsed on top of him, panting against his neck as his hands slid slowly over her back, caressing her skin. Damn, maybe he did love her. Not as much as Sam, but he was pretty sure he did.

            She slowly moved from on top of him and curled up to her side, arm draped over his chest as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. Maybe…maybe they could make this work. It wouldn’t be that hard, would it? They both cared about each other, and now she knew. Yeah, they could make this work. He would never have Sam, so why not give it a shot?

 

-

 

            “So, you gonna tell me what happened?” Sam asked from his chair at the table.

            Dean rolled his eyes, laying back on his bed and staring up at ceiling. “We screwed.”

            Sam laughed. “Classy.”

            The older brother grinned and gave a little shrug. “Fine. We were fighting and then she kissed me. Next thing I knew we were moving toward her bed, I was pushing her shirt up, hands moving over her body. I tugged it off and tossed it on the floor, pushed her on the bed. Then my shirt was off and I was kissing her neck, biting it. Not too hard, just enough to make her squirm. You know, how I used to do to you?” He heard the sharp intake of his brother’s breath and smirked. “Then she was on top of me and I was squeezing that perfect ass. Only felt one ass better than that one, you know?”

            “Yeah?” Sam’s voice was breathy, “Who’s?”

            “My baby brother’s,” Dean answered, looking over at Sam to watch him flush and duck his head. “So she was grinding down on me and-“ Just then Dean’s phone rang and he growled in annoyance, standing up as he pulled it from his pocket. “Cassie?”

            “Dean!” Cassie screamed, voice terrified, “Dean!”

            Two minutes later they were out the door and Dean was vaguely aware of the slight bulge in Sam’s jeans.

 

-

 

            They wrapped it up. It was messy and complicated, but they wrapped it up without losing Cassie or her mother. Then Dean got one more night with the woman. Sam made it easy, dropping him off at her house and heading back to the motel without so much as a question.

            After a few hours he lost track of how many times they’d gone at it. They were both sweaty and worn, kissing at each other’s skin, hands running over each other’s bodies.

            “We should get some sleep,” Cassie murmured against Dean’s collarbone.

            Dean made a soft noise of protest. “Sooner we sleep the sooner I have to leave.”

            “We can’t put it off forever, Dean.” Cassie’s voice was soft and a bit sad as she kissed at Dean’s skin.

            “I’ll be back.”

            “You’ve said that.”

            “I mean it,” Dean insisted.

            “Okay, baby.”

            They both knew it wasn’t true.

 

-

 

            “When you meet someone like that, do you think it’s worth it?” Sam asked as Dean settled in his seat, “Giving up what we do?”

            Dean looked over at his brother, eyes running over him. Giving up hunting, that would be like giving up Sam, really. And if it came to his brother or Cassie there was really no choice. He put his sunglasses on and leaned against the window. “Wake me up when it’s my turn to drive.” 


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based off of Nightmare and The Benders

            Sometimes when they were low on money the Winchesters had to get one room. John considered them to be lucky if there were two beds and a couch so the two teenage boys didn’t have to sleep together. Of course they never minded sharing a bed while their dad took the other bed or the couch. It was exciting. It was a game of seeing how much they could get away with while John was in the room. Sam had blown Dean a couple times and Dean had eaten his brother out. It was hot watching Sam squirm and try not to cry out in pleasure. So damn hot.

            On the nights there were two beds they alternated. So when Dean and Sam were on separate beds they slept on the sides closest to each other and Dean kept his arm stretched out so Sam could grab his hand if he needed to for whatever reason. It was a habit he’d picked up when he was about nine and…well, old habits die hard.

            He was 26 now and it was still something he did sometimes. Like this morning. He woke to Sam grabbing his wrist as he had so many nights in the past, but this time it was different. This time his brother was saying they needed to go. Because of yet another vision. Great.

 

            Sometimes they put on these outfits and it was damn difficult for Dean to keep his hands off Sammy. Like now. His brother looked way too hot dressed up like a priest and Dean’s thoughts were sinful on more than one level.

            “We should keep these,” he said as they made their way back to the motel, “Remember how we used to role play when we were younger?”

            Sam just flushed, no doubt remembering the time he’d dressed up like a school girl. “Shut up,” he mumbled, but there was a small smile on his lips.

 

            They were in the motel just talking about the case when suddenly Sam was on the floor in pain. Dean was next to him in an instant, hands on his shoulders, trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

            Another vision. Shit, this was getting out of control. These visions were starting to freak Dean out. Not that he would admit that to Sam. No, instead he just took him where he needed to go, trying to save another person.

 

            Sammy always got so upset when he couldn’t save someone even when it just wasn’t possible. So when he was a bit unhappy Dean wasn’t surprised. What he didn’t expect was for his brother to be so afraid that he might turn into something like that kid Max. That was just ridiculous. Sure, Dean was freaking out internally, but not over anything like that.

            “As long as I’m around, nothing bad’s gonna happen to you,” he’d told him and he was determined to make it true.

 

            More time went by in which nothing eventful happened. They kept searching for John with no luck. Dean kept longing for his brother. Sam kept seeming oblivious. It sucked, to be honest, but Dean was just so happy to be back with his brother, even if things weren’t exactly the way he wanted them to be.

            They were finally on another case which at least helped to distract him. Some guy had disappeared and the only witness-some kid-said he heard a noise like a monster, a whining growl.

            There wasn’t much more to be done for the night, so they were having a few beers when Sam suggested they head back to the motel to get some sleep.

            “You really know how to have fun, don’t you grandma?” Dean teased and Sam laughed, showing off those dimples, so Dean couldn’t refuse him. “Alright. Let me hit the head. I’ll meet you outside.”

            He wasn’t in there long. Just long enough to take a piss, pay their bill, and make it through the crowd. When he got outside though Sam wasn’t there. He yelled the younger man’s name, he called his phone, he searched around, he asked everyone he came across, but no one knew where he was. No one had seen him and it wasn’t long before his phone started going to voicemail.

            That night he didn’t sleep. He didn’t eat. He did everything he was capable of to find Sam. He even called their dad to ask for help. Of course he didn’t answer.

            “Dad.” His voice was choked as he spoke into the phone. “Dad, something took Sammy. He’s missing. I’ve tried everything, but I can’t find him. I know he’s my responsibility and I…I’m not giving up, but I need your help. Please, Dad. Call me back.”

            He hung up the phone and buried his face in his hands, sobbing quietly. John never called back.

 

            He’d been pushing his luck. He knew he had been and he should’ve expected something like this. He’d gotten a cop to take him along despite impersonating another cop and his luck was bound to run out at some point. He’d just hoped it would be after he’d saved Sam (from people, of all things).

            Now he was cuffed to a police car, panicking. Sammy was so close, but so far, and he had no idea what to do. If only he carried fucking paperclips on him.

            It took some serious stretching, but finally _finally_ he got the fucking cuffs off and made for the house. When he found Sam alive relief flooded through him. They were okay. They would get out of this. And that was what he kept telling himself no matter how scared he got.

 

            It felt like forever before they finally got out of there, before they were finally headed back to the motel. But they were and Sam was alive. He was safe. Halfway back Dean stopped and turned to Sam.

            “What’s up?” Sam asked, stopping a moment later.

            “I didn’t sleep last night, Sammy. I was so fuckin’ scared. If you…I don’t know what I would’ve done if something happened to you…”

            Sam reached out and grabbed Dean’s arm. “Hey…Hey, I’m okay.”

            Dean looked up and Sam and without thinking about it he pulled him in, kissing him deeply. It was different. It’d been so long and Sam was taller than him now, _different_ from the last time, but it was still so undeniably _Sam_. For a moment the younger brother froze, but then he cupped Dean’s cheek in his hand, kissing him back gently.

            “I love you, Sammy,” Dean whispered, “I love you so much.”

            “I know,” Sam whispered back and kissed Dean again, “I know.”

 

 


	19. Shadow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look! I wrote another chapter! Sorry for the lack of updates. I'm such crap at continuing to write things. I'll try to keep writing this though. I really liked writing this chapter, so hopefully that'll be incentive to continue writing.  
> And please, leave feedback! Tell me your thoughts. Knowing I'm writing for somebody helps!  
> Hope you enjoy~  
> (Also, there was no beta. I really wanted to get this posted, so if there's mistakes, my apologies.)

Dean leaned against the bar, sipping his drink and chatting up the bartender. She was damn good looking, curves in all the right places, pretty mouth, perfect tits, a great distraction from Sammy. Not one that would last of course, but maybe he could at least not think about his brother while she was going down on him. He glanced over and saw Sam walk into the bar and quickly downed his drink. “I gotta go,” he said regretfully, though he didn’t care all that much now that Sam was there. He downed his drink, smirking when the bartender slipped him her number. He winked and pushed the napkin into his pocket before heading off to meet Sam at the back of the bar.  
“I talked to the bartender,” he said, leaning back in his seat and watching Sam leaf through their dad’s journal.  
“Did you get anything?” Sam asked, looking up, “Besides her number?”  
“Dude, I am a professional,” Dean said seriously, “I’m offended that you would even think that.” Sam gave Dean a knowing look and the older Winchester chuckled, showing off the napkin.  
“Mind doing a little thinking with your upstairs brain, Dean?” Sam asked and Dean wondered if maybe there was a hint of jealousy in his voice or if he was just imagining it. Probably the latter.  
“Huh?” Dean sighed. “Look, there’s nothing to find out. I mean Meredith worked here, she waited tables, everyone was her friend. Everybody said she was normal. She didn’t say or do anything weird before she died. So what about that symbol? You find anything out?”  
“Nope,” Sam said with a frown, “It wasn’t in Dad’s journal or any of the normal books. Guess we gotta dig a little deeper.”  
“Well there was the first victim, right? Before Meredith?”  
Dean listened to his brother talk, basically saying there was nothing he’d found either. “So to recap,” he said with a smirk, “The only successful thing we’ve scored is the bartender’s number.”  
Instead of responding Sam looked at something across the bar. “What?” Dean asked, trying to find something out of the ordinary and his brother got up, walking away. “Sam?”  
Sam walked over to a blonde and Dean got up to follow behind him.  
“-Not here now, but what about you,” he heard Sam saying, “I thought you were goin’ to California?”  
The girl went on talking and Sam responded. Dean was too busy checking her out, trying to figure out who the hell she was, to know what she was saying. He cleared his throat loudly, feeling uncomfortable, but Sam ignored him, continuing with his conversation.  
“You’re from Chicago?”  
Dean frowned. It wasn’t like Sam to completely ignore him like that. Who the hell was this chick? He cleared his throat more loudly and she shot him a dirty look.  
“Dude, cover your mouth,” she said and Sam finally acknowledged him.  
“Yeah, sorry. Um...This, is, uh...This is Dean.”  
“This is Dean?” she asked in surprise and Dean smile.  
“You’ve heard of me?” So at least whoever this was, Sam had actually thought to mention him.  
“Oh yeah. I’ve heard of you,” the chick huffed, “Nice. The way you treat your brother like luggage.”  
Dean frowned in confusion. “Sorry?”  
“Why don’t you let him do what he wants? Stop dragging him all over God’s Earth.”  
“Meg, it’s alright,” Sam interrupted and they all looked around awkwardly before Dean whistled lowly.  
“Okay, awkward. I’m gonna get a drink now.” He gave his brother a confused look and walked away. What the hell was that kid telling this chick about him? Was that how Sam really felt?  
He went back to the bar, but when the bartender starting hitting on him again he really wasn’t in the mood. He kept looking back at Sam and the bitch, jealousy and nerves twisting in his stomach as he drank his beer. That stupid smile Sam had was too close to the one he used to give Dean.  
After a few minutes his brother came up to him and he finished off his beer before walking out with Sam. “Who the hell was she?”  
“I don’t really know. I only met up with her once,” Sam said, “The chances of running into her again? Weird.”  
“And what was she saying?” Dean asked, ignoring Sam’s words, “I treat you like luggage? What, you bitchin’ about me to some chick?”  
“Look, I’m sorry, Dean,” Sam said, “It was when we had that huge fight and I was at the bus stop in Indiana, but it’s not important. Listen-”  
“Well is there anything truth to what she’s sayin’?” Dean interrupted, “Am I keeping you against your will, Sam?”  
“Of course not. Now would you listen?”  
“What?” Dean snapped.  
“There’s something weird going on here.”  
“I know. She wasn’t even that into me,” Dean said, trying to make light of the way he was feeling.  
“No, I mean our kind of weird. Maybe even a lead.”  
“Why do you say that?” Dean asked, brow cocked.  
There was a bit of bantering in which Dean teased his brother about liking this Meg chick. It was easier to do that, to pretend he didn’t care, like he wanted his brother to get some. Because if he didn’t? Well then he might accidentally show how he really felt, and that was a road he couldn’t go down.  
So he let Sam go to watch the girl and headed back to the motel to hop on his brother’s computer and do some research. Research of all things. All the while a part of him was hoping that Meg Masters wouldn’t check out, that she wouldn’t be a real girl, and damn did that make him feel guilty. It was rare for Sam to find someone he was actually into. Why couldn’t he just let his brother have this one thing? When he found her on the internet there was a mixture of relief, guilt, and jealousy once more. He sighed and dialed his brothers number, calling to let him know. 

“So hot little Meg is summoning the Daeva?” Again with the relief and guilt. He shouldn’t be happy about this. He really, really shouldn’t, but...Well, now Sam wouldn’t go off to be with this chick. Fuck, he was pathetic.  
As the conversation went on Dean forgot about his jealousy, about his relief and guilt. It sounded like this could be the thing that killed his Mom and if that...Holy shit. This was crazy. This could be it.  
“You grab everything that might be useful. I’ll call Dad,” Dean said and picked his phone up. He didn’t expect their dad to answer, so when he had to leave a voicemail it was no surprise. He left it quickly and then discussed what they were taking with Sam.  
“Big night,” he finally said.  
“Yeah,” Sam agreed, “You nervous?”  
“No,” Dean lied. “Why, are you?”  
“No. No way.” Another lie. “God, could you imagine if we found that damn thing? That demon?”  
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Dean said.  
“I know,” Sam said, “I’m just saying….If we did. Man, I’d sleep for a month. Go back to school. Be a person again.”  
Dean stomach twisted. “You wanna go back to school?”  
“Yeah, once we’re done hunting the thing,” Sam answered.  
“Huh.”  
“Why? There something wrong with that?”  
“No, no. It’s, uh...great. Good for you.” Dean rubbed the back of his neck, looking away.  
“I mean, what are you gonna do when this is all over?”  
“It’s never gonna be over, Sam,” Dean muttered, “There’s gonna be others. There’s always gonna be something to hunt.”  
“But there’s gotta be something you want for yourself-”  
“Yeah, I don’t want you to leave the second this is over,” Dean snapped, walking to the dresser, just for something to do, to not look at his brother.  
“Dude, what’s your problem?”  
Dean was quiet for a moment before he turned to look at Sam again. “You know why I drag you with me everywhere? I mean, why do you think I came and got you from Stanford in the first place?”  
“‘Cause you needed help finding Dad,” Sam said, confused.  
“Yes, that, but it’s more…” Dean looked away and back to Sam again. “You and me and Dad...I want us...I want us to be together again. I wanna be a family again.”  
“Dean, we are a family,” Sam said softly, “I’d do anything for you. But things are never gonna be like they were before.”  
In that moment Dean felt as if his heart had shattered. There it was. There was the confirmation. Sam didn’t want him anymore.  
“Could be,” he said quietly.  
“I don’t want them to be.” Dean’s chest tightened at the words. “I’m not gonna live this life forever. Dean, when this is all over, you gotta let me go.”  
Dean stared at his brother for a long time and bit his lip before turning away. “Let’s go.”


	20. Provenance

Well, there dad was alive, that was something. Dean tried not to think about all it took to get him there. That he almost died, that Sammy got kidnap, that his brother was having visions...All that and it was the damn demon that finally brought him there. That was the first time Dean began to think that you know what? His dad was an obsessed bastard. 

Dean spent the next few days not thinking about what had happened between him and Sam the other day. His brother didn’t want what they had before. No point dwelling on it. If he started sleeping around to keep himself from thinking about it...Well, that was his business.   
He’d be lying if he said it wasn’t fun. Since Sam didn’t want one of the girls he was able to get both of them. It’d been too long since he’d had a threesome. So yeah, that actually worked to get his mind off Sam. The problem was stumbling back to their room drunk though.   
He fumbled with his keys for a long moment before finally getting the right one and unlocking the door. His eyes searched around the room until they landed on Sam who was sitting at the computer in just his jeans.   
“Fuckin’ tease,” he muttered.   
Sam looked up. “Oh hey. What?”   
“Oh, just...fuckin’ keys,” Dean answered and slipped out of his jacket, letting it fall on the floor. He walked over and placed his hands on Sam’s shoulders, leaning in to whisper in the younger Winchester’s ear. “Look at you though, little brother, all grown up.”   
He caught Sam’s little shiver and smirked to himself. Yeah, he still knew Sammy, even if it’d been a few years. There were some things that never changed and things he would definitely never forget.   
“All that muscle,” he whispered, “Never stopped training, did ya?”   
Sam licked his lips and shook his head, eyes trained on the computer.  
“Did you good, Sammy,” Dean murmured, lips brushing over his brother’s ear and the younger man’s head fell back a little so Dean could watch his eyes slip closed.   
His arms wrapped around Sam, hands resting on his chest. God, he wanted to touch him everywhere, to memorize this new body his brother had grown into so nicely. He wanted to see if Sam still had sensitive nipples, if he’d still moan out Dean’s name with his brother tongue in his ass. He shuddered at the thoughts, combining memories with fantasies.   
“Dean.” The word was breathy and when Dean looked back to Sam’s face his brother’s eyes were opened. “Dean, I’m gonna...I’m gonna go get some air. You should go to sleep. Long day tomorrow and you’re gonna be hung over for part of it.”   
Sam got up before his brother could protest, pulling his shirt over his head and Dean fell back onto his own bed, groaning in frustration. He didn’t bother undressing, just pulled his dick out and jerked off quickly before tucking himself away and falling asleep fully dressed.

The next morning Sam woke Dean up far too early, acting far too casual, and Dean was far too hungover to deal with this shit, so he let Sam drive, put on his sunglasses and passed out in the passenger seat.   
After a few hours his jackass brother woke him up by honking his horn, but after explaining that he’d found nothing he at least grabbed him a bottle of water and some hangover food from the back seat, so Dean guessed that kind of made up for it. 

A few hours later Dean was feeling a bit better and they made their way into an auction house where the dead people’s shit was being sold already. It was pretty disgusting if you asked Dean, not to mention stupid. They were passing on something that killed them more than likely. Some people were so blind.   
While they were there he watched Sam flirt with an incredibly hot chick, some Sarah Blake, and felt a mixture of jealousy and arousal. If they got it on Dean was pretty sure he’d jerk off thinking about it, but wish he was part of it more than anything. Oh, that’d be fun…

Dean wasn’t a fan of convincing Sam to go on a date with Sarah. He really didn’t like it, but they needed information and...well, Sam needed this. There hadn’t really been anyone since Jessica and he deserved it.   
He sighed softly and threw himself back on his bed after Sam had walked out for go pick the woman up. He grabbed the remote and turned the TV on. Might as well do something to distract himself while his brother was out. 

Dean was up late, waiting for Sam to come up, but he ended up passing out with his clothes on. He was amazed he’d been able to. His stomach was in knots. Sam was screwing the girl. He just knew it. He was pounding her into the mattress or she was riding his cock like a pro. And fuck, Dean hated the mixture of arousal and jealousy in there. All of his dreams were about Sam. 

So part of this was about Jessica, but not the main part. What the hell did that mean? Did it apply to him? Did Sammy just not wanna sleep with other girls because of this main part, or him too? He’d meant to try to talk to his brother more about it, to figure out what the hell was going on, but before he got the chance there was the call about the painting, Sarah saying it’d already been sold and after going there they had to head back to the motel before the cops got there. Then research, research, research. 

It was hell the next day, driving around with Sam and Sarah everywhere, listening to them flirt, watching the way Sam looked at her. If his brother would give him the same attention, honest to God there wouldn’t have been this jealousy. He could handle sharing Sam, but watching someone else have him when he couldn’t? That wasn’t so easy.   
Not that he held a grudge against Sarah or anything. She was a great girl. She was strong, independent, intelligent, drop dead gorgeous. What wasn’t there to like? Especially from the perspective of someone like Sam. He just wished Sam would look at him that way, flirt with him the same, be the way he used to. 

Dean headed back to the Impala, climbing in the driver’s seat and watching Sam and Sarah in the sideview mirror. They were talking, looking like they wanted to kiss, but not acting on it. Just do it, Sammy, Dean thought, because that would make his brother happy, and anything that did was worth it. He bit his lower lip and watched as Sam finally leaned in, kissing her.   
“That’s my boy,” Dean said with a little smile.


	21. Dean Man's Blood

It wasn't mentioned again, that Sam wanted to leave when this was all done, that he didn't want Dean. The older brother ached though. Sure, it'd seemed pretty obvious that Sam wasn't interested in what they'd had before, but having that confirmation out loud? That was painful. So he started to pull back, he kept his distance. He didn't flirt with Sam anymore, he forced himself to stop jerking off to the thought of him. Sam seemed upset and concerned about this, but really? It wasn't his problem. Because what else was Dean supposed to do? Continuing how he had been? That would be torture. And if Sam was going to leave, he wasn't about to get his hopes up. 

The first night with John and Sam that fell through. Despite his best efforts, Dean was excited. They were all together again. They were going to hunt a nest of vampires (fucking vampires!) together. Who knew? Maybe this would be a turning point. Maybe if Sam saw that they could function together as a team, as a family, he wouldn't want to go. Logically, he knew he was bullshitting himself, but he just couldn't help it. 

It didn't take long for his hopes to be crushed though. The next morning John woke them up with orders, no explanation, and Sam? Well, Sam didn't like that. He did what he was told, but he started bitching to Dean on the way and even questioned their dad. John didn't take the bait though. Instead he got on Dean for not taking care of Baby (also bullshit), but he was willing to take that if it meant that Sam didn't get yelled at. What was he supposed to say anyway? He was the good son. He was the one who followed orders, who did what he was told, who never asked questions. Not to say that Sam was a bad son, but he was more of a rebel in that sense. 

A few hours later it all came to a head. John gave them another order with no explanation and Sam got pissed. He sped up to pass their dad and stopped the car, slamming the door shut as he climbed out. Fuck, this wasn't going to be good. Dean sighed and got out, prepared to be the mediator, but there wasn't even much for him to do. The two were in each other's faces yelling before he knew what was happening and it took a lot of effort to get Sam to back away. But no. His brother couldn't just leave it at that. Stubborn little brat had to have the last word. 

"This is why I left in the first place," he muttered as he walked away and Dean had half a breath to hope their dad didn't hear before the yelling was going on again. When he finally got Sam into the Impala again the bitching didn't end, but for the most part Dean wasn't really paying attention. What good would it do anyway? Suddenly though, something Sam was saying caught his interest. "You know, if he wasn't like this we could've been together. I didn't want us to split up. That was all his fucking fault." 

Dean blinked at that. "What?" When Sam left hadn't that been what he was doing? Hadn't he meant that he wanted to go find a normal life, to not fuck around with his big brother anymore? 

"We were still supposed to be together," Sam said frustratedly, gripping the steering wheel tight, "You were supposed to come visit and stay in my dorm with me now and then." 

Oh. Suddenly Dean imagined a whole different way all of this could have gone. He could have had Sam. They could've been together this whole time. He could've still had him now. But that had been fucked up because...Why? 

"Why didn't you tell me?" 

"You need to stay with Dad." 

Dean frowned at that. "I could've done both." 

"Not really, Dean," Sam said quietly, "Not really." 

And his brother was right. Because with the way John ran things it wouldn't have been an option. There would have always been a fight from one end or the other, John would have always been using Dean to try to pull Sam back in and it wouldn't have worked out because Dean never stood up to their father. So that's what he needed to do. Maybe if he could prove to Sam that he could have both...Maybe then he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, okay. So here's another chapter. And I know I've said it a lot, but I'm gonna try to write more regularly from here on out. Comments help. Let me know what you think, what you'd like to see from before that I didn't touch on. I'm gonna write another chapter here soon as an apology for taking so long and it will be phone sex from when Sam was at Stanford. 
> 
> Also, if you'd like to see something from another character's POV totally let me know and I'll give it a shot! 
> 
> I wanna know I'm writing this for you guys and write things you enjoy, so seriously. Any suggestions are welcome and all of them will at LEAST be taken into consideration. 
> 
> Thanks for stickin' with me. You guys rock!


	22. Chapter 22

It was lonely in bed by himself. It’d been months and Dean missed the hell out of his brother. The bed was always so cold without him. He’d tried to warm it with other people, but he rarely wanted them to stay the night, and when he actually did, it just wasn’t the same. 

He rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. He’d called Sam earlier, but had gotten the voicemail. His brother was probably too immersed in his homework to answer the phone. That sounded like his nerd of a brother. Dean remembered when Sam was still in high school. They’d lay together while the younger did his homework. Dean would close his eyes while Sam absently pet him with his left hand. Sometimes he’d watch TV or do research for a hunt at the same time. It didn’t matter that they weren’t doing the same thing.They were together and that was what counted. 

He ached at the thought of his brother, eyes filling with tears. Fuck, he hated this. It was so hard on these nights. Maybe if he could cry himself to sleep and get some peace it would be okay, but he couldn’t even sleep. 

After awhile he couldn’t handle it anymore. He needed to at least hear Sam’s voice, even if it was only the voicemail. He dialed his brother’s number and listened to the rings with anticipation. 

“Dean.” Oh. Oh, that was Sam live. 

“Sammy,” Dean whispered and hated how pathetic he sounded. 

“What’s wrong?” The concern in Sam’s voice made him long even more to be with his brother. 

“I miss you.” 

A soft sigh came from the other end of the line. “I miss you too, De.” 

Dean made a soft noise and wiped his eyes before deciding he shouldn’t linger on this topic any longer. “What were you doing earlier? Studying?” 

“Yeah, I had a study group. It was just Brady, Eric, and this girl Jessica that Brady brought.” 

Dean cocked a brow at that. “Oh yeah? That his girlfriend?” 

Sam was quiet for a moment. “No, he uh...He actually wanted me to meet her ‘cause he thought I would like her.” 

Now it was Dean’s turn to be silent, stomach twisting in knots. “And?” 

“I don’t know, Dean,” Sam sighed, “She’s cute and nice, but...I mean, she’s not you.” 

A small smile curved onto Dean’s face. “Oh yeah?” 

“Well yeah,” Sam said softly, “I mean I know it wasn’t always just us, but it doesn’t feel right if you’re not part of it, y’know? ‘Cause if I don’t have you then I’d just be thinking about you when I’m with her and that’s not fair.” 

Oh, that felt good to hear. Dean’s smile widened. “I know what you mean. I always think about you when I’m fucking chicks. They don’t feel as good as you, Sammy.” He heard his brother’s breath shake and smirked to himself. 

“Wish we could have sex again,” Sam whispered, “That night was amazing.” 

“It really was,” Dean murmured, “You’re the best I’ve ever had.” 

“Yeah right,” Sam said skeptically, “It was my first time.” 

“So? Sammy, it was you. That made it perfect.” 

It was quiet for a moment before Sam spoke again. “I wish you were here.” 

Could be there in a few hours, Dean thought, but kept it to himself. He’d go to Sam if his brother asked him too. “I wish I was there too,” he replied instead. 

“Wanna kiss you.” 

Dean closed his eyes, remembering the feel of Sam’s lips. They were so soft and perfect to bite down on, to lick, to suck. “I wanna kiss you too, baby bro.” 

Sam let out a little whine. “Wanna touch you.” 

Dean groaned softly at that. “Oh yeah?” he whispered, “Where? How? Tell me what you want, Sammy.” 

There was a pause before Sam spoke in a whisper as well. “I wanna touch your chest, kiss all over it. And your stomach. Wanna run my fingers over your sides and make you shiver.” 

Just the words caused that shiver. Dean could imagine that so fucking well. If he closed his eyes he could imagine it was happening, that Sam was on top of him, straddling his hips and kissing his skin. 

“What would you do?” 

Sam’s voice brought Dean back to reality, but he kept his eyes closed, continuing to imagine it all. 

“I’d run my fingers through your hair,” Dean whispered, “After a couple minutes I’d grab that hair and pull you up so I can kiss those gorgeous lips. Wrap my arm around your waist. Hold you nice n’ tight the way I know you like it.” 

Sam’s breath was coming heavier now, but Dean could hardly feel cocky when his own was shaking. 

“Mm...Dean,” Sam breathed, “I’d rub my ass against your crotch. Tease you like I always did when I was trying to get you to fuck me.” 

Dean groaned. His cock was getting hard at the thought. “You were always so damn tempting, Sammy,” he moaned, “Thought about that perfect ass all the time. Wanted to bury my cock so deep inside you. Wanted to fuck you into the mattress, make you scream my name, come untouched. 

Sam groaned lowly. “I thought about that. Thought about riding you too. Know you’d love seeing me bounce on your dick. Bet I could ride you better than the girls you fuck. Could last longer before my legs started to hurt.” 

“Oh, I know you’d ride me better, baby,” Dean purred, rubbing himself through his jeanns. “Nobody loves my cock like you.” 

Sam moaned. “No, they don’t. Love it so much, De.” 

Dean licked his lips and undid his jeans, pulling his cock out to stroke it slowly. “I’m touching myself for you, Sammy.” 

A low whine came from the other end and Dean wished he could watch while he teased his brother, drag it on for hours.

“Dean,” Sam moaned, “Wanna touch it, taste it, feel it.” 

“Take your pants off, Sammy,” Dean ordered in a whisper, “Suck on your fingers for me and put one inside. Imagine it’s me.” 

There was silence for a moment except a little rustling. Then Dean heard a quiet sucking, heavy breath, and at long last, a moan. “That’s it, Sammy,” he encouraged, “Take your time. Go nice and slow. Stretch yourself open for your brother’s cock. Good boy.” 

“Dean…” 

“I know, honey. You’re doing so good. Tell me how it feels.” 

“So tight,” Sam groaned, “Need you to stretch me out with your dick, fill me up so good.” 

Dean cursed at that, cock twitching in his hand, and he stroked himself a little bit faster. He was careful though, not wanting to end the fun too soon. “Put another finger in, baby boy.” 

There was a low whine from the other end and then a sigh of relief that Dean recognized as the sound Sam sometimes made when he finally got more. 

“That’s it, Sammy.” He rubbed precome over the head of his leaking cock. “You like that? It feel good?” 

“Yesss,” Sam moaned and Dean could just imagined him arching off the mattress as he pushed his fingers in deeper, scissored himself open. 

“Doin’ so good, baby brother. You’re so sexy.” m

“Dean.” The word was a gasp, such a beautiful fucking gasp. 

“What, Sammy? What is it?” 

“Want more,” Sam whined, pleaded, and how could Dean possibly deny him? 

“Go ahead, Sammy,” he breathed, “Put one more in.” 

There was panting and another moan and Dean imagined burying his fingers deep inside his brother, eager to make him come. He knew that hole was so tight and he could easily remember how it felt around him. 

“Should get yourself a toy,” he murmured, “Something to fill you up nice and good whenever you want my cock.” 

“I’d...I’d need a plug for that,” Sam panted, “Always want your dick.” 

Dean cursed at that, fucking into his fist. “fuck, I’m close, baby. Need you to come first.” 

“Close,” Sam whined and his moans started coming louder, breath heaving. “Dean, Dean, Dean,” he chanted breathlessly and finally he let out one final cdry. That was a cry Dean would always remember the sound of. His baby brother had just come. He stroked himself faster and faster and soon he was coming as well, groaning Sam’s name. 

“Fuck, De,” Sam whispered when he finally got his breathing under control. “So good.” 

Dean smiled lazily. “Good. Love you, little brother.” 

“Love you too, big brother.” 

“Good night,” Dean murmured. 

“Night.” 

He slept easy for the first night in months.


End file.
